Learning requires three partners

Learning requires effort. Good education takes three partners - student, teacher and parents. While the student's main responsibility is to study well and realize his potential, and the teacher's duty is to teach effectively so that the students do well in life, then what is the parents’ role? What can a mother or father do to help her/his child perform better?

Children spend 16 to 18 hours at home and only 6 to 8 hours at school but the role and duties of teachers and schools are overemphasized. Early formative years of a child are the most impressionable period. Parents are the first and foremost teachers of children, who ‘teach’ not only by telling but also by practical examples. Also teachers keep changing but parents are constant companions. The parents' role in the upbringing and education of a child is immense. As a lecturer, I used to think that parents should be just seen occasionally and that's all. But now that I have raised two children of my own, my attitude has changed. I am convinced that if parents take an active part in their child's education and development, it makes an enormous difference.

In the triangle of child, parents and teacher, if there is some communication or relationship problem at any of the three links, the child's performance cannot improve at school. Education is the way students are prepared, intellectually and morally, to survive the waves of change that sweep the world. The purpose of education is to enable young people to become more knowledgeable and adaptable, to be well-rounded and civilized adults.

Parents’ role is to keep the balance right and not push the children and create a hothouse climate. Besides, parents must play a big part by supporting their child's search for knowledge in different ways. For instance, if your child is in junior college doing A-levels and wants to study arts or music instead of medicine or accountancy for a degree, think again before you give your judgement. Times are changing and you, as parents, have a great responsibility to encourage and support your child in letting him pursue his interests in a particular field.

Growth mindset vs fixed mindset

I recently read this article titled "Upgrade Your Mindset for Success" by Gustavo Razzetti, and was inspired to share with everyone. I had read Carol Dweck's book mentioned below a few years ago which discusses the growth mindset in detail. This article has succinctly explained the types of mindsets as well as the differences between the mindset and attitude. So here is the article:

Success and happiness are all about mindset. What you think you become. Your mindset doesn’t just affect how you see the world. It shapes your responses and actions even if you don’t realize it. Developing the right mindset is crucial to succeeding in anything.

What is a mindset?

A mindset is a frame of mind. It’s the sum of beliefs, opinions, and thoughts that you formed about the world and yourself. Think of your mindset as a lens through which you filter reality. Our education, religion, upbringing, and experience shape our beliefs and thoughts. That’s why our mindset is a fixed state of mind — we have our mind “set.” Thus, determine how you perceive and react to specific events. Napoleon Hill said: “There are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge. Both poverty and riches are the offspring of thought.”

Mindset vs. Attitude

» Mindsets can change, but they tend to change slowly. It’s easier to correct our attitude than our mindset.

» An attitude is a short-term reaction shaped by our mindset. It is a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something specific.

» A mindset is a collection of beliefs and thoughts that shape your thought habits. They impact how you make sense of the world (and yourself).

» An attitude has a short-term impact. That’s why they are easier to modify. Our mindsets are deeply ingrained in our beliefs. They require extra effort to change them.

» A mindset is a fixed mental disposition that predetermines our responses to and interpretations of situations. Your mindset filters reality.

» Your mindset pre-determines your interpretations and responses. It shapes your relationship with the world and with yourself.

» Choose your mindset wisely and overcome the beliefs that limit your potential. Then you can create positive consequences instead of negative ones.

Mindsets liberate or limit our potential

Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it. Carol_Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, took education and business by storm. It suggests that our beliefs about our own intelligence determine our ability to learn.

A Fixed Mindset is the belief that our qualities are fixed traits that we cannot change. People with this mindset believe that talent alone leads to success. So, if you don’t have it in adequate amount, you just can’t do/achieve XYZ. A Growth Mindset, conversely, is believing that our intelligence can grow with time and experience. This mindset encourages us to put in extra time — effort leads to higher achievement. A Fixed Mindset limits our capacity for learning, whereas a Growth Mindset helps us reach our full potential.

Multiple Mindsets

When we think about mindset, most people think about the Growth Mindset versus Fixed Mindset. But that’s just one angle – there are many important shades of both. The problem is that Growth Mindset craze has oversimplified the notion of mindset. Binary thinking limits the conversation because we are then left with two options: we either have a Growth Mindset or a Fixed mindset – nothing else and nothing in-between. This is not true.

Remember: Mindsets are lenses we use to explore our reality. We need to discover other types of mindsets beyond the Growth one. The lenses we use affect how we deal with our emotions. A negative mindset can amplify our negative feeling. It can get us stuck in rumination.

Our mindsets create two effects on us: they either limit or liberate our potential. The mindset we use can make things clearer or cloud our perception. For example, binary thinking forces us to consider only two possibilities. We think in terms of one thing or the other. And see things through a right or wrong lens.

Understanding that there are many mindsets is vital. You’ll then become more aware of the lenses that you apply to reality. Therefore, before you change your mindset, let’s analyze the most frequent types of mindset that come to the fore most frequently as individuals, teams or organizations try to upgrade their mindset in order to liberate their high performance.

This is not an exhaustive list but a starting point to help you reflect on the lenses you use:

» Right or Wrong. We love being right. The trouble with this mindset is that we stop paying attention to other perspectives. Instead of learning, we just care about winning the argument. ‘Confirmation Bias’ is the tendency we have to embrace information that supports our beliefs. Wanting to be right makes us reject facts that might illuminate our views.

» Victim vs. Accountable. Self-pity is a dangerous choice. When we play the victim, we lose control of our life. And blame others for the things that go wrong rather than taking action. Playing the victim role is a lose-lose situation. No one will come to rescue us. Life requires that we own our actions.

» Comparing to others vs. being your own standard. There will always be someone doing better or worse than ourselves. When we compare to others, we invite jealousy and envy to poison our lives.
Comparisons are deceiving. Recover control by becoming your own standard. Focus on your progress, not on someone else’s status.

» Scarcity vs. Abundance. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey explains that when we apply a scarcity lens, we compete for available resources. Even when there is an abundance of them, our mindset imprisons us. An abundance mindset is based on the belief that there’s enough for everyone. This paradigm is grounded in generosity and self-worth.

» Stuck to the past vs. open to the future. The past can keep us imprisoned if we don’t learn to let go of painful experiences. Even positive experiences can hold us hostage. Living on past glories limits our ability to enjoy the present. We must make room for new experiences.

» Saying “No” vs. “Yes, and…”. Too many “no” kill creativity. However, that’s our usual answer when introduced to new ideas. We say “no”, even before considering their potential. We are trained to reject uncertainty and new concepts. Creativity requires a “Yes, and…” mindset. Rather than blocking the conversation, amplify creativity by building on others’ ideas.

» Divide vs. Unite. There are two ways to lead people. One is by creating an enemy and leading a crusade to conquer it. Another is finding a shared purpose, and inspiring people to be part of something bigger than themselves. The divide-and-conquer paradigm creates life or death situations. We turn everyone into an enemy. Alternatively, the Unite-and-build mindset brings out the best in people. It encourages collaboration and participation.

» Reactive vs. proactive. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say or do. They don’t control their choices. And let their circumstances control them instead. Proactive people don’t waste their energy or time. They focus on what they can manage. And think through scenarios, prioritize, and focus on the future. A proactive mindset puts you in control.

» Fearful vs. fearless. Seeing life through a fear lens is intimidating. Fear will always get in our way. Adopting a courageous mindset is vital to achieving greatness. Being successful requires adopting a fearless mindset. Courage does not mean the absence of fear. But to face our fear. We move forward in spite of our fears.

» Avoidance vs. facing reality. Complaining when things go wrong doesn’t change anything. Rather than running away from reality, accept it. An avoidance mindset gets us stuck complaining about what went wrong or don’t like. Rather than fighting reality, face it. Upgrade your mindset. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It’s a necessary step to move forward.

STEPS TO UPGRADE YOUR MINDSET FOR SUCCESS

1. Become more aware of your mindsets. Accept that your thinking needs adjustment. Start by increasing awareness of your emotional state. When you react or before making a decision, which lens are you using to see reality? Are you adopting a perfectionist mindset? Or a ‘me-me-me’ one – and think that the world revolves around you? Reflect on how your mindset affects your view. If your mindset is negative, how can you re-frame it into a positive one?

2. Avoid seeing reality in binary terms. Most mindsets are deceiving. They force us to see the world in black and white terms. Binary thinking creates a false dilemma. We act as if there are only two possible options when they are actually more. Challenge your binary thinking. Avoid the tendency to split all the things into two categories: black and white, either-or, right or wrong. Binary thinking is not always bad. Sometimes it can help. Sometimes it is necessary. But, in most cases, it’s just a shortcut — a form of generalization. Not everything fits into one of two categories.

3. Reflect on your beliefs. Our mindsets are deeply-ingrained in our beliefs. To change our mindset, we must first examine our belief-system. What’s holding you back? Are your beliefs supporting you or limiting you? Identify the beliefs that are helpful and work with those that are not. Religion and politics are perfect examples of this. There’s nothing wrong with your ideology. But most people take it to an extreme. They reject anything or anyone that doesn’t agree with their beliefs.

4. (re)Define your purpose in life. We all want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. What’s your life purpose? Find your ‘why.’ What does success mean to you? There’s a difference between achieving success and being successful. Achieving success is about reaching a specific destination. Being successful is a state of mind — it’s about appreciating the journey. Create your own measure of success. What mindsets will help you get there? Select the lenses that will help you achieve your higher mission in life. Finding your life purpose is not about the destination. It’s all about the journey.

5. Turn limiting mindsets into liberating ones. Challenge your existing mindsets. Go back to the analysis you did on point 1. What are the mindsets that are not helping you? Changing your mindsets is not easy. But it’s worth the effort.

We are creatures of habit. Our mindsets take a long time to develop. Upgrading them requires replacing a pattern with a new one. Your mindset is a lens that filters your reality. Upgrade your mindset. Turn limiting beliefs into liberating ones.

(Taken from https://liberationist.org/how-to-upgrade-your-mindset-for-success)

Collected tips for releasing stress

Listed below are some collected tips for releasing stress and enhancing happiness in our lives:

Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.

Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli and almonds.

Try to make at least three people smile each day.

Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything!

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Make peace with your past, so it won't spoil the present.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

Help the needy, be generous! Be a 'Giver', not a 'Taker'.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Time heals everything.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Each night before you go to bed, pray to God and be thankful for what you have accomplished today!

Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

Purpose of life

"What is my purpose in life?", I asked the Universe.

"What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that child about his life?', said the Voice. "Or when you paid for that young couple in that restaurant? Or when you saved that dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father's shoes for him?"

"Your problem is that you equate your purpose with goal-based achievements. The Universe isn't interested in your achievements...just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look any further!"

All of us are looking for some purpose in our lives. But that usually ends up being some objectives to be achieved, some milestones to be attained. What is actually important is how we behave in day-to-day life-- whether our behaviour is giving happiness to others or hurting them. When we are able to behave and act with patience, empathy and consideration of others' feelings, we are already aligned with the purpose of our life.

25/5 rule of Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet is one of the wealthiest and most successful investors in the world, and has demonstrated remarkable emotional intelligence on so many occasions. For example, have you ever heard of Buffet's 25/5 rule? Here's the story behind the rule--and how it can benefit us.

The 25/5 rule: Simple yet brilliant.

According to the story, Buffet asked one of his employees (who wanted his guidance) to make a list of his top 25 career goals. Then Buffet told him to circle the top 5 goals. Rather than brainstorming strategies to prioritize those goals in the right way, Buffet recommended using the list in a very unique way. He told him to:

1. Remain focused on accomplishing goals 1 through 5, and

2. Stay completely away from working on goals 6 through 25.

What's the lesson?
"It's all about focus." "You're not going to accomplish 25 things in your life. If you really focus long-term you can do three to five big ones, maybe. And the impediment to your not having focus is numbers 6 through 25, because those are the things you're interested in. Those are your biggest potential distractions."

This simple rule is a brilliant way to apply emotional intelligence in our everyday life. It's easy to come up with five things we really want to do. But it's even easier to get distracted from actually making progress on those five goals, because we get caught up in the excitement, the joy, the temporary pleasure of things that simply aren't as important.

And that's why it's so important to identify items 6 through 25--to help us identify the things that are holding us back.

How to make the 25-5 rule work for us?

In the story, Buffet was advising his employee on how to reach his biggest career or life goals. But we can extend this rule to help us with daily, weekly, and monthly priorities as well.

For example, every morning, we might make a task list of five to 10 things we'd really like to accomplish for the day. Then, circle only the top task (or maximum two). Don't do any of the other tasks--no meetings, no calls, nothing--until we've knocked out that top priority.

Do the same thing for the week. Identify 10 things we'd like to get done, but circle only the top two or three. Make those top tasks our ultimate priority, and don't let the others get in the way. We can repeat the same process for one month, for one year, or even for five-year strategy. Once our list is complete, we need to get in the habit of asking ourselves the following questions when faced with choices on how to spend our time:

1. Will this task help me reach my goal for the day?
2. Will this project help me reach my top goals for the year?
3. Will this strategy help me reach my ultimate career goals?
4. Or, does it fall under the second category: interesting, but a distraction?

Use the 25-5 rule and you won't just achieve relentless focus--you'll make emotions work for you, instead of against you.

Practical advice on 'modern' parenting

The word 'parenting' seems to have taken a different meaning, when I look back how we were raised by our parents about 60 years ago, then how we raised our children about 30 years ago, and how children are being raised today. The times have changed, so have the economic situations, and the overall attitude towards handling the kids. The net result seems so different, and sometimes disagreeable to me, that I cringe inside. Echoing my sentiments, I came across this piece of writing by Mr Narayan Murty, CEO Infosys, titled 'Have we failed in bringing up our ‘modern’ kids? So it is given below in his words:

A very distressed neighbour shared that he had driven home after a long day at work. As he entered, he saw his wife in bed with fever. She had laid out his dinner on a tray.

Everything was there just as he wanted it. The dal, vegetables, salad, green chutney, papad and pickles… ”How caring,” he thought, “Even when she is unwell, she finds the strength to do everything for me.”

As he sat down to eat, he realised that something was missing. He looked up at his grown up daughter who was watching TV and said, ”Beta (child), can you get me my medicine and a glass of water, please?”

She rolled up her eyeballs to show her displeasure at being disturbed, but did the favour nevertheless.

A minute later he realised that salt was missing in the dal.

He said, ”Sorry beta, can you please get me some salt?”

She said, ”Ufff!” and got the salt but her stomping shoes made it clear that she did not appreciate the disruption.

A few minutes later he said, ”Beta …”

She banged the TV remote on the table and said, ”What is it now Dad? How many times will you make me get up? I too am tired; I had a long day at work!”

The man said, ”I’m so sorry beta…”
Silence prevailed.

The man got up and placed the dishes in the kitchen sink and quietly wiped the tear escaping his eye.

My heart wept… I often wonder; "Why is it that the youngsters of the so called modern world behave like this? Have we given them too much freedom to express? Have we failed to discipline and give them the right values?"

"Is it right to treat children as friends?" Think of it this way, they have lots of friends. But they have only one set of parents. If they don’t do ‘parenting’, who will?

Today the ‘self-esteem’ of even a new born or an infant is being talked about; but what about the self-esteem of the parents? Are they supposed to just fan the egos of their children, while the children don’t care two hoots about theirs?

Often parents say, “Aajkal ke bachhe sunte kahaan hain (Where will you find obedient children in these times)?” Why?

The other day, we were at a dinner party. All the seats were occupied except for one bean bag. One of our fifty-something friends told his teenage daughter to move to the bean bag, so that he could sit on the high back chair she occupied.

She said, ”Why can’t you sit on the bean bag?”

I was zapped; we all knew that the father had a back ailment, and even otherwise… Well!

Later as everyone was taking leave of the host, the same guy realised that he had left his car keys inside. He asked his daughter to go and get them.

“Why can’t you go and get them yourself? I am not your maid!”

I looked away in disgust and disbelief. The poor guy had no option but to make light of the situation saying, ”Ya, Ya, but Daddy is your eternal servant my princess!”

He went inside to fetch the car keys. This is what our social behaviour has become! Why?

If we need to teach children about self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence, we also need to tell them that howsoever big and rich and famous they may be, their parents shall always be their parents… children can never be their equals, let alone be their bosses!

Remember to Pay- RENT – Respect, Empathy, Niceness, and Time!

Mr Murty writes, "I always advise parents to be parents and not friends. Your kids can have n number of friends but have only ONE set of parents." "So don’t be afraid to set rules and make the children obey them".

This piece resonated with my feelings, as I have also seen and felt as parents, that in the name of being friends with our children, sometimes they don't give that basic respect, empathy, and even time and attention that they should be according to them.

My day at Gita forum

Last month, I attended the Gita Forum in Singapore and it was so enlightening. Swamini Supriyananda ji of Chinmaya Mission, Hong Kong explained beautifully how we can practice Gita in our daily lives. Below are some of the points I had jotted down:

Uplift yourself; we are our best friend as well as our worst enemy.

Our mind is the most powerful thing on this planet. It controls our lives all the time. So use your mind to lift yourself, to be a friend to yourself. Don't waste it by putting yourself down.

All of us have split personality-- we are at our best during the day, but worst in dreams.

We "wait" for life to happen, to be happy, and in this wait, life gets wasted.

We have to "create" our life; act rather than react, which means create 'love' around us.

Don't just sit there, waiting for love, happiness or blessings to come to us. Get up and create the world you want to live in.

Humility is not bowing down to someone; it simply means that 'I am not better than you', and 'I am not worse than you'.

When we bow down to God, or some elder, it is to lift ourselves. Their gesture of blessing or raising you up indicates that you are being lifted up.

How to do things differently?

Swaminiji gave 3 step process for this:
(1) Understand why you need to do that thing differently. Is your way of doing or behaving hurting you or others? What are the benefits of doing it some other way?
(2) Have willpower to start the project, work or the intended activity, without any excuses.
(3) Practice that work or activity till you start enjoying it. Practice, and practice again, to leave the old habit; then only new habit will form. It takes a lot of work, effort and strong desire to change our habits or way of doing things.

How to tap the divinity within us?
When we quieten our mind, hush chatter of our mind, let go of all the desires that drive us, then only we can stay in the present moment. When our layers of different personalities are 'shut down', either by meditation or mindfulness, then we connect with divinity within us.

The best way to inspire others is to bring change in ourselves.

Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.