When I was small, we used to spend so much time playing hop scotch or five stones, or visiting neighbours and friends to spend time leisurely with them. Today, things are a bit more tricky. I tried to invite my best friend for day spend and I had to wait for a month! And that's pretty typical. There are after-school lessons to coordinate, piano lessons to attend, swimming sessions to juggle, parental time to take off so the kids are supervised as both parents work and don't reach home until 7 pm, etc.
I hate to get into "good old days" territory, because I'm sure that my own parents had their challenges coordinating fun for my siblings and me, but it does seem like there's something distinctly new going on. And it's not something we can blame completely on modern parenting and over-scheduled kids either-- because the culture of "busy" extends way past our children. When I see my friends, it's often after months of traded whatsapp messages and at least a few cancellations and trying again. And again.
My friends, colleagues and I seem to over-promise on what we can deliver in terms of socialising-- we make plans and hope for the best, but inevitably, something comes up and plans fall through. Though that's OK--when you are immersed in the culture of busy, someone cancelling dinner is sweet, sweet relief.
When I talk to my college students, the same sort of things happens. You ask students how they are doing and what they are interested in, and they will rattle off more than a list of courses. They are club presidents, playing sports, involved in volunteering, bringing a speaker in, all while planning a semester abroad. I have had more than a student tell me that they schedule their sleep as much as they do their activities, to ensure that they actually get some once in a while. My colleagues tell me that busyness has basically become social currency-- the most overworked and over-scheduled students are the ones who are seen as succeeding, even as they are miserable.
It sounds just terrible, but the truth is that I recognise that strange sense of pride, I see it in myself sometimes when making small talk. How am I? Oh, I'm great, but wow, I am ever busy! I am involved in that committee, this club, volunteering on weekends, etc., etc. It is an 'insecure society'-- I think, for a lot of people; if you are busy, if you are overworked, it must mean that you're important somehow. But how sad is it that the cultural signal for success is demonstrating "overwhelmed with activities"! It is as if admitting that if you have time to spare it makes you a slacker.
I long for a time when our happiness denies "success" at all cost. Until then, I have plenty to do!
I hate to get into "good old days" territory, because I'm sure that my own parents had their challenges coordinating fun for my siblings and me, but it does seem like there's something distinctly new going on. And it's not something we can blame completely on modern parenting and over-scheduled kids either-- because the culture of "busy" extends way past our children. When I see my friends, it's often after months of traded whatsapp messages and at least a few cancellations and trying again. And again.
My friends, colleagues and I seem to over-promise on what we can deliver in terms of socialising-- we make plans and hope for the best, but inevitably, something comes up and plans fall through. Though that's OK--when you are immersed in the culture of busy, someone cancelling dinner is sweet, sweet relief.
When I talk to my college students, the same sort of things happens. You ask students how they are doing and what they are interested in, and they will rattle off more than a list of courses. They are club presidents, playing sports, involved in volunteering, bringing a speaker in, all while planning a semester abroad. I have had more than a student tell me that they schedule their sleep as much as they do their activities, to ensure that they actually get some once in a while. My colleagues tell me that busyness has basically become social currency-- the most overworked and over-scheduled students are the ones who are seen as succeeding, even as they are miserable.
It sounds just terrible, but the truth is that I recognise that strange sense of pride, I see it in myself sometimes when making small talk. How am I? Oh, I'm great, but wow, I am ever busy! I am involved in that committee, this club, volunteering on weekends, etc., etc. It is an 'insecure society'-- I think, for a lot of people; if you are busy, if you are overworked, it must mean that you're important somehow. But how sad is it that the cultural signal for success is demonstrating "overwhelmed with activities"! It is as if admitting that if you have time to spare it makes you a slacker.
I long for a time when our happiness denies "success" at all cost. Until then, I have plenty to do!
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