How to check your understanding on a topic

When I was marking the assignments of my students, I noticed that they had written good answers, but in the quiz given in class, many of them had performed badly. So when I saw my students in the next class, I asked them whether they had understood the topic properly. Most of them were silent! I asked them if they had understood the topic, then they should have scored well in the quiz? They all kept quiet.

Then I asked them, "How do you find out that you have understood the topic well?" Some of the responses were, "I make notes and read them", "By doing quiz, I know how much I have understood", "When I present my Power point slides and explain the concepts. I know how much I understand", "I just know that I understand", "I know how much I know when I teach my teammate", etc.

I told them,"Yes, those are some of the ways by which you can find out about the extent of your understanding. But what happens if there is no quiz, or presentation or teaching opportunity available to you? When you are learning the concepts and preparing the notes on your own, then how to check your own understanding?"

I shared with them the method I have used myself during my own student life and even now. "After having completed the notes whether in classroom or at home, I close my eyes, and try to recall the main headings or parts of the topic (as if along with the brain, my heart is also telling!). Usually there is a pattern, and concepts are covered in points or sub-divisions. So if I am able to recall all the points or steps involved, it means I have understood the topic completely. If I remember only the main points, but not their details, it means my understanding is not comprehensive yet, and I need to learn more. If I have difficulty in recalling even the main points, then understanding is poor; as simple as that!"

"When the understanding on the topic is not complete, there is some action required by us. First, we have to relook at our notes, and supplement them by adding some more examples. Also following a similar pattern of sequence across different topics while preparing the notes helps; e.g., in the module I am currently teaching, Human Anatomy and Physiology, we learn about the structure of body parts and their functions. We also cover the medical conditions related to that particular body system and their treatment options. So there is almost a set pattern, of structure, function and disesases of the body part/system. Sometimes linking with earlier topics helps us to remember better, as different systems are linked and affect one another."

I call this my 'self-check' method and when I apply this method even today, I can 'sense' with almost complete certainty whether I have understood the topic or not!

Completed the beginner's level today!

When I reached my music class today morning, it was raining. In fact it had been raining since yesterday night, so air was rather cool. It has been almost three months now that I started to learn keyboard. Last week had been pretty hectic, but I had practiced my homework well. I settled in my seat, put the headphones on my ears, and started practicing the song. After a few minutes, the instructor came to listen, so she put her earphones and asked me to play.

I have noticed one thing; I can play the notes well when no one is watching, but when the instructor puts on the earphones, sometimes my hands falter (may be I become conscious!). But the instructors are really sweet people, young but guiding us patiently with interest. So I started playing the song, and completed it, thinking that she would ask me to practice some more, as I felt that at one place my beats were a bit off. But she said, "Excellent, you have completed this book, which means you have completed the beginner's level." I was so happy to hear that, almost unbelievable! But I hid my emotions, and waited for the second book, which she had gone to bring for me.

After a few minutes, my instructor brought the book on intermediate level and started explaining, "You have learnt about the basics of notes like semi-breve, minims, dotted minims, crotchets, quaver, ties, etc., and learnt to play songs using your right hand. Now you will be learning to play melodies with rhythm and chords." She then demonstrated me the first lesson, and I started practicing it.

After completing the class, our music teacher, Mr Radha Vijayan congratulated me for completing the beginner's level. I thanked him profusely for his able guidance and providing me constant encouragement.

Today's achievement, though it may seem small, but is very big in my eyes! It has been my childhood dream to learn some musical instrument, and it seems, now I am finally able to learn something, though I am almost 55 years old. Even now when I am writing this, I am feeling the same exhilaration I used to feel when I came first in examinations in my school and college days. I am really motivated and excited to continue my journey in learning the keyboard! 

Many forms of Love

When we love someone a lot and feel very close to him, he is the one who is more likely to hurt us. It has been seen that the more caring we are, the more sensitive we become. And the more sensitive we are, the more hurt we will be. Then what is love? Love is about not losing sight of the good in the other person even when he hurts us. Love is unconditional acceptance of another person.

Love can manifest itself in our lives in different ways, all of which are necessary and useful. And these different manifestations are dependent on the needs of our loved ones. Some of the forms that love takes are:

Celebration is love affirming the lives and achievements of others.

Helping someone is love sharing the burden of others.

Humour is when love uplifts our loved one's mood and results in joyful lightness.

Respect is derived from the word re-spectare which means looking twice. So respect is love 'looking twice' at the views of others.

Attentive listening is love focused on the other's story/talk without distraction or interruption.

Compassion is love aware of the others' suffering and responding to it with depth.

Loyalty is love supporting and standing along with others in their hard times.

Creativity is love making gifts, both tangible or intangible, for others.

So whatever way we express our love, it gives happiness, and feelings of security and well-being to our loved ones, ultimately spreading joy all around us!

Others love us vs we love others

I was listening to a spiritual discussion where the person was describing the difference between others loving us versus we loving others! I hadn't given much thought to this point prior to this. He explained when others love us, like in the case of a celebrity, where thousands of people love him, he feels happy for that moment, but may feel lonely afterwards as he has no one to call as his own. But when we love someone, they become part of us, and we are filled with happiness, as love is our natural state of love.

What is love actually? About 80 years ago, psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan of the University of Chicago offered a definition of love, which I find all of us can connect with: "When the happiness, security, and well-being of another person is as real or more to us than our own, we love that person." When we love others, then we feel that their happiness and well-being matter to us greatly, and hence, we act accordingly.

When we love others, we expand in our thinking, our hearts, and so many aspects. It makes us a better human being as loving others frees us from preoccupation with our own problems and associated destructive emotions. Life becomes interesting as we move away from selfishness, and we are able to forge deeper friendships.

Loving others gives us a reason to engage in meaningful activities as those will give happiness to our loved ones. This acts as a source of hope for us to make a difference in the life of others. When we are actively engaged in doing all this, we get joy. And we can only give what we have, so we end up giving happiness and joy to all others around us when we love them!

Living in the past

Many times we feel depressed or a bit low as if we are not doing enough, more so as we grow older. One of my good friends was sharing her concern about her husband who had become quieter and seemed withdrawn since last year. He had now converted to working part-time, since his organization had downsized last year. She mentioned that although they had reconciled with his new arrangement, he would often feel depressed, as if lost in his thoughts. She was discussing with me how she could help him!

Her husband's situation reminds me of one of the case study I studied when I was doing my Diploma in Applied Psychology. In that case also, that person was still living in the past. You know, there is a difference between thinking about the past and living in it. It is natural for all of us to think about past occasionally, and learn lessons from that. But sometimes we end up living in the past because it is familiar, so we feel comfortable thinking about it and reliving it!

Then the question is how to help a person in such a situation? Psychologists suggest that if someone having such problem writes about his emotional experiences daily, whether old or new ones, it helps him put them in context and slowly leave them behind. Writing has been found to be so therapeutic that writing even once a week for a period of time about an upsetting experience reduces such negative thoughts. 

After the person is able to come out of living in his past, he may start feeling regrets over what he did.  But regrets can have their advantages too. For example, regrets can signal that it is time to change, time to take new action. In that sense they may serve as a motivator and propel the person to change his strategy  on what he doing earlier, thus leading towards positive action.

Could vs Should

I was having rather heated argument with one of my colleagues, and I realized that during the course of half an hour, both of us used 'could' and 'should' multiple times! You see, that's the main problem; when we argue over something, we blame or complain, and in either situation, we end up using these two verbs very often.

In real life everyday situations, whether we are at home or in workplace, we are heard saying, "You could have done this way!" or "How could you say such a thing to me?", etc. Pointing out someone's mistake is necessary to get the things done properly, but saying it again and again doesn't help!

Similarly, as soon as we sense someone is in problem, or having difficulty in handling a situation, automatically, we start dishing out advice. "You should do this way" or "You should not do this at all!", etc. Suggesting some solution or way out may be required at times, but just plain preaching at every opportunity can be really demotivating to anyone.

When I was pondering over the usage of could and should in conversations (read arguments), one thing became clear--these words are overused, which lead to more unpleasant feelings among people than doing good. Once the mistake or shortcoming of the situation or person has been pointed out, some concrete action needs to be taken to rectify it. So rather than having a long discussion on what he 'should' do, clear steps need to be identified so that action starts immediately.

So moral of the story is to come out of the world of 'coulds' and 'shoulds', and start doing things in a way so that we can avoid hearing them as much as possible!

Interest and Commitment

Today evening we had some friends come over to our home, and we had very enjoyable time spent with them, talking about a new project they are about to start. Since these people were young, full of energy and enthusiasm, their passion and excitement was evident throughout the discussion.

After they left, I was admiring their positive energy and discussing with my husband,  how I was sure of their success in their project! Then came these two words in our discussion, interest and commitment, and we felt that understanding of the differences between these two is crucial to the success of any project.

There is a difference between interest and commitment. When we are interested in doing something, we do it only when it is convenient. When we are committed to something, we accept no excuses, only results. We use the word 'interest' for doing those activities which border towards hobbies, while when we use the word 'commitment', we mean 'serious business'.

Interest can last for long term, but can very well be for short term; once we have tried our hand at doing something we wanted to do, we lose interest, and that activity stops. On the other hand, when we commit to a certain activity, it's due to intrinsic motivation, some inner calling, and hence we persist and take all the steps to succeed. That almost always requires lots of self-discipline and an attitude of perseverance despite difficult situations.

Therefore it is not enough to have an interest in doing something; rather we need committed efforts along with determination and perseverance over a period of time. Then outcome of those efforts will surely be satisfying!

Piku--motion se hi emotion

Yesterday night my husband and I went to watch the new-released Hindi movie, Piku- motion se hi emotion. Piku is an Indian comedy-drama film directed by Shoojit Sircar. Amitabh Bachchan plays the role of Deepika Padukone's father, who is the main protagonist of the film, Piku. Irfaan Khan plays the romantic lead against Deepika Padukone while Moushmi Chatterjee is Piku's aunt in the film.

Piku is an architect living in Chitranjan Park in New Delhi with her hypochondriac Bengali father, who has very strong personality and sees logic in everything. He thinks that only low IQ people marry, so he is deadly against his daughter Piku marrying someone. His sole focus is on his 'motion' which is rather difficult in his case. All the medicines, and home remedies don't seem to help much. Although all of his medical reports are fine, he still gets his BP and fever taken three days a day, just in case!

Piku is equally strong-willed, independent woman, but her life revolves around her father. There are so many comical every day moments in the film, where we laughed and laughed till tears came into the eyes! You have to see the movie to savor every scene, but I can say one thing: the message behind all this was poignant!

Throughout two hours or so of the movie, whatever were the idiosyncrasies of the father, how he behaved in front of other people, what others said about him, all these things didn't affect Piku, his daughter. She still responded at his first call, took care of his medicines, taking BP readings, listening to his 'contorted' logic about every thing, and arguing also at times, AND without any frustration, question or disinterest. It was the most touching message! I am going to watch it again, may be because Amitabh Bachchan is my favorite hero!

Avoiding distractions is essential to focus on work

When I started the class today morning, some of the students were still glued to their laptops or hand-phones. I , being quite particular that all my students should be attentive during the lecture, paused for a while, and digressed from the main topic. I projected a scenario in front of them.

I pointed towards a student and asked him to imagine that " Your grandfather had a heart attack a few days ago, and he was rushed to the A&E department of the hospital. After all the necessary tests, the specialist doctor suggested that he needed immediate surgery. So his surgery was scheduled for the next day. You along with your parents were waiting outside the operating theater, while surgery was going on inside. After a few hours, the doctor came out and told your family with a long face, "I am very sorry, but we couldn't save him." After a few days you came to know that actually your grandfather died due to the negligence on the part of the surgeon. Half way through the surgery, his mobile phone rang, and after seeing that it was from his wife, he took the call. And it took almost two minutes to finish the call, but by then damage was done. Your grandfather's one of the main coronary arteries had leaked, which resulted in his eventual death."

After describing this to the class, I asked them, "How do you feel if this would have happened with your family?" Everyone said, "No way, how can we allow this to happen?" "How can the doctor be so careless and negligent?" "Why did he have to use his phone that time, even though it was for a very short duration, this is totally unacceptable?" "Such doctors should be sued in the court of law and severely punished, etc., etc."

Then I asked them," Aren't you all doing the same thing?" "This is the time to focus on learning and understanding the topic. Rather than doing that, in between you check your phones for messages, type responses to those, and the smarter ones even succeed in answering their phones also. In the doctor's case, a person lost his life; in your case you are playing with your future. It is as serious as that case; the only thing is that you will realize this later when you won't get a chance to turn back the clock."

So in short, the message I was trying to give to my students was that for effective learning, focused effort is required, and for that they have to avoid all the distractions!

What people think about me

Whenever we think of doing something new or differently, we are not only concerned with all the thinking, planning and hard work it requires, but also with what will people think about us if we fail! Even in social situations, many times we restrain ourselves in interacting with others for the fear of people's opinion about us. Does the opinion of other people really matter?

Honestly speaking, people don't think and bother about us and what we do. It is purely our own perception that others are watching us, care about us and will say something about what we are about to say or do. We 'imagine' that others will laugh at or criticize what we said or did in our life. And this may be because we think too much about our own importance.

But the reality is that they are too busy thinking about their lives, their jobs, children, relatives, etc., and have no time for our lives. How many times we have seen when we need someone's help or company, they are found unavailable! We will be better off if we realize soon enough that others are busy with their lives and associated issues, as we are busy with ours.

As soon as we stop thinking about what other people think or say about us, we save so much energy normally wasted in such thinking. Then we free ourselves from all these false pretenses, and can do what we really wish to do in our lives.

Today is Mother's Day

 Today is special, being Mother's Day. When I was a small girl in Delhi, I hadn't heard of this day, and so never wished my mother. I came to know of this day only about 20 years ago when we moved to Singapore! So the first thing I did today was to call my mother in Delhi and wish her Happy Mother's Day.

What is the role of mother in one's life? We realize it fully only when we become a mother. I have always admired my mother's courage, resilience and strong will power she has reflected throughout her life. Sometimes I feel that I have started talking and managing my home and other things like her. When I was doing PhD, she was there supporting me; when my daughters were born, she was there guiding me; when I was sick or stressed, she was there providing comfort and unconditional love; and when I didn't behave properly, she was there to discipline me!

Now I am the mother of two sweet daughters, and I am trying my best to be a good mother to them. In the morning, both of them wished  me with flowers and cards, where they had penned down their feelings. I must have read those cards many times by now, and each time I read I feel as if I am reading them for the first time! I pray to God to keep my mother healthy, happy and loving to me always, and give me wisdom and strength to become a good mother myself!

Life is not perfect

All living things in this world, including us human beings, are organic in nature, which means that they are growing, dying or transforming, thus changing constantly. Change is work in progress, imperfect in form and outcome. If something is perfect, it means that it has stopped growing and transforming itself; implying that it is no more living; it has become static and dead!

Life is a series of experiences we have from moment to moment. Our experiences with the same person can be so different depending upon the time and situation. So we all know perfection is not possible in the grand scheme of life. No matter how wonderful, happy, or peaceful our life is, it's never going to be perfect. If we are constantly trying to be perfect, then we lose on having real experiences in our lives.

This desperate search for perfection comes to us at a cost. We pay a high price of perpetual dissatisfaction with ourselves as well as with others. We have to realize soon enough that there is no such thing as a perfect life. We might have a great life (in terms of accomplishments); we might have a happy life (in terms of successful relationships, financial stability). But no one will have a perfect life. This is a fact we must all accept and embrace.

So for 'living' we need not be perfect and if we are 'perfect', we are not living. Knowing that life will never be perfect, and so we will never be perfect, takes a lot of the pressure off from us.We can start living by being the best we can be, rather than struggling all the time to achieve perfection!

Do it NOW

If we wish to achieve something, we need to 'force' ourselves to take the first step in 5 seconds, or it will not happen. Let me explain why I say so!

Most of the time we are working on an 'autopilot' mode, which means that we are doing most of the activities out of sheer habit, without giving it much consideration. For example, we wake up in the morning, and do our daily rituals as we usually do. If we wish to change the routine, say go for a jog before going to office, our mind will find reason not to go, unless we take the decision and step out of our home within 5 seconds. This is because when the brain comes across new things, it applies 'handbrake', and to accomplish that new activity we need to remove that handbrake soon enough!

What is this 'handbrake'? Psychologists say that the handbrake is the little voice in our head that immediately starts whenever we think of doing some new activity. This little voice is usually negative and critical, like "How are you going to do that?" or "What if" type of questions. We listen to that internal negativity and start believing what it says and so never get started on working towards getting the things we want. Our thoughts and fears demotivate us enough that we don't feel like starting. 

So, what can we do about it?

One suggestion is that when we have something to do that we don't feel like doing and keep putting off, we need to recognize that 'handbrake' is working again and we want to remain in autopilot mode which will keep us in our comfort zone. To remove the handbrake, we have to act fast, say in 5 seconds, and 'force' ourselves to take the first step, which may just be writing it down in the diary and pick a date to start it. Then when that date comes, we keep our promise and start that thing. Once we have started, then only we will be able to realize how much we enjoy the process.

Remember that usually it is the thought of doing something which is far worse than actually doing it. So do it NOW!

Peace

Whenever I am with a group of people, and we ask one another, what do we want in life, invariably the answer is happiness or peace. What is peace?

There was once a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace. Many artistes tried. The king looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.

One was a picture of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw it thought it was a perfect picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked carefully, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest--- perfect peace.

The king chose the second picture. Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in the heart.

So being peaceful means that we are in a state of clear mind, with no confusion, complaint, blame or worry, in spite of going through the daily rigors of every day life. It seems difficult to achieve, but if we become aware of our mind's working and pay attention to it, we have taken the first step.

Is your job more a stock or bond?

There are many jobs in stable well-established industries like multinational oil company and in professions like medicine, civil service or law which produce a consistent employment income. To an investor, this would resemble buying into a long-term government bond and enjoying a regular return on that investment.

Then there are companies which pay very handsome salaries, but the employment prospects are far less certain, and a high-flying career can suddenly be derailed by a change of bosses. The sudden swings in their fortunes are similar to the more adventurous investors who pile into the stocks of young, high-growth companies only to find that their stocks follow the roller-coaster ride of the stock market, giving them sleepless nights.

It is useful to use stock market analogy to describe the risks and rewards which a person may be getting from his job. That is because, depending on the type of job which a person holds, this should have a bearing on the type of investment strategy which he should adopt. For instance, those with a "stock-like" career might want to own more bonds if only to get a source of stable passive income to offset the risks they may be encountering in their jobs. Similarly, those with "bond-like" careers can afford to take more risks like having an investment portfolio which has more stocks.

However, what is interesting to note in real-life situations is that those who have higher level of risk tolerance also tend to choose more "stock-like"careers and adopt riskier investment strategies, while people with "bond-like" jobs are also more conservative in their investments.

So one question which an individual should ask himself as he assesses his assessment strategy is how aggressive he is, career-wise. For example, if he is an entrepreneur, he should be holding more cash and investments offering passive income such as bonds to offset the risks he may be taking in his business.

Given the uncertainties of the job environment, a person's earning potential may change, sometimes dramatically, as he encounters major changes good and bad in his career such as getting a big promotion or getting demoted or even fired. And in making efforts to mitigate the risks from the uncertainties of his job, he should diversify his personal wealth balance sheet to ensure there is enough set aside to tide him over any unexpected crisis. 

An interesting take on marriage

Yesterday after lunch I was relaxing and browsing through the movies done by Vinay Pathak (I am a huge fan of his) on our smart-TV.  I had seen most of his movies, like, Bheja Fry, Bheja Fry 2, Chalo Dilli, Emotional Atyachar, etc. Then came this title called Tere Mere Phere. The poster looked interesting, and I somehow like 'family/wedding' type of movies, so I decided to watch it!

The movie started with a scene from plane ride, where a young girl and a young boy are sitting next to each other, but are getting irritated by their arm touching each other. The way they were behaving, it looked as if they were strangers, but later on it turned out that they were a newly married couple, going for their honeymoon. A stranger sitting behind them, Vinay Pathak was listening and observing them, and got involved!

In the next two hours or so, it was so realistic and at time hilarious, to see how a bickering honeymooning couple can influence someone who was going for his marriage, that he decided not to marry! For full masti (enjoyment) you have to watch yourself. So prepare yourself some popcorn in the microwave oven, hot ginger tea in flask, and start the show, preferably with your spouse!!

Problems are like opportunities to improve

In our lives, all of us are surrounded by some problem or the other, and we constantly feel the stress to solve them. However if we are able to change our perspective towards them, from obstacle to opportunity, our lives would be easier and stress levels will go down. Let me share a short story.

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way.Then a farmer came along carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the boulder, the farmer laid down his load and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

As the farmer picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying on the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The farmer learnt what many others could never understand.

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve one's condition. It is our choice whether we take the challenge and see through it, or get stressed up and don't do anything, hence missing the opportunity.