I was having rather heated argument with one of my colleagues, and I realized that during the course of half an hour, both of us used 'could' and 'should' multiple times! You see, that's the main problem; when we argue over something, we blame or complain, and in either situation, we end up using these two verbs very often.
In real life everyday situations, whether we are at home or in workplace, we are heard saying, "You could have done this way!" or "How could you say such a thing to me?", etc. Pointing out someone's mistake is necessary to get the things done properly, but saying it again and again doesn't help!
Similarly, as soon as we sense someone is in problem, or having difficulty in handling a situation, automatically, we start dishing out advice. "You should do this way" or "You should not do this at all!", etc. Suggesting some solution or way out may be required at times, but just plain preaching at every opportunity can be really demotivating to anyone.
When I was pondering over the usage of could and should in conversations (read arguments), one thing became clear--these words are overused, which lead to more unpleasant feelings among people than doing good. Once the mistake or shortcoming of the situation or person has been pointed out, some concrete action needs to be taken to rectify it. So rather than having a long discussion on what he 'should' do, clear steps need to be identified so that action starts immediately.
So moral of the story is to come out of the world of 'coulds' and 'shoulds', and start doing things in a way so that we can avoid hearing them as much as possible!
Nice
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