Taking Risk

Success is a by-product of vision supplemented with courage wrapped with powerful beliefs. We need to replace our fears with courage and risks with securities, so that we are able to face various changes and challenges of life. I came across some lines on taking risk:

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk being called sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and your dreams before them is to risk being called naïve.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair, and to try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person, who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. He is a slave as he has forfeited his freedom.

Only the person who risks is truly free, as J. Krishnamurti says!

The Diet Myth

Many of us may have suspected that calorie-controlled diets don't work. And now Professor Tim Spector, a leading Genetics expert at King's College, London has found compelling evidence why this is so, as written in his new book The Diet Myth (2015). He believes that with the right regimen of diet and exercise, we can be happy, healthy – and lean – and keep the pounds off for life.

What’s more, Prof Spector is offering a new theory about what really makes us fat — which could revolutionize our approach to weight loss. As one of the scientists leading worldwide research into the trillions of bacteria living in our stomachs, Prof Spector believes they hold an amazing power over our health and moods — and that our modern diet may be having a negative effect on them.

Prof Spector has found that the type and variety of our gut bacteria have an astonishing influence on many aspects of our health. He says that microbes not only help in digestion of our food, but they also control the calories we absorb and provide vital enzymes and vitamins, as well as keep our immune system healthy. Our gut microbes are also linked to cardiovascular health, risk of diabetes and mental well-being.

Prof Spector argues that, with the right regimen of diet and exercise, we can change our personal mix of gut bacteria to become one that keeps us happy, healthy and lean. He believes bacteria are likely to be responsible for much of our obesity epidemic. The root of the problem, he says, may be our modern diet and its effect on our gut bugs.

Compared with our ancestors, we have only a fraction of the diversity of microbial species living in our guts. Fifteen thousand years ago, man regularly ate around 150 ingredients in a week. Nowadays, most people consume fewer than 20 separate food items, and many of these are artificially refined. The increasing promotion and use of calorie-restrictive diets that depend on just a few ingredients will inevitably lead to a further reduction in microbe diversity and, eventually, to ill-health.

So, how does exercise affect the gut bacteria? One way in which it affects is by stimulating the immune system, which, in turn, sends stimulating chemical signals to the microbes in our guts, according to a 2011 study in the journal Immunology Investigations. Exercise also benefits our balance of gut bugs directly, according to a 2008 report in the journal Bio-science, Biotechnology and Biochemistry.

Another finding is that artificial sweeteners should be avoided. Tests on mice by Israeli researchers suggested that artificial sweeteners can alter the balance of gut bacteria, so that the bacteria, in turn, release chemicals that, ironically, raise blood sugar levels, increasing the risk of weight gain and diabetes. And this particularly harms the health-enhancing microbes, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Toxicology and Environmental Health.

The diversity of microbes in our bodies is 30 percent lower than fifty years ago. Microbes in our gut affect our brain and mental health, and contribute to autism and depression and even the urge to eat more. A diet of junk food can dramatically reduce healthy gut microbes in only two days. Olive oil and nuts are ultimate health foods that nourish our microbes.

In conclusion, the type of food we eat and amount of exercise we do, are more important than just counting the calories, if we wish to reduce our weight or maintain good health.

Be Nice--It is good for your business

We all know that negativity is harmful. But did you know it costs the US economy an estimated $300 billions a year? And this is just one country; if we add all the countries, then the cost will be astronomically high!

We all have momentary interactions with people every day. These interactions can be positive, negative or neutral. Dr Daniel Kahneman, winner of the 2002 Nobel prize in Economics, suggests that there are approximately 20,000 moments in a given day, and each one lasts about 3 seconds. Those 3-seconds interactions are rarely neutral; they are almost always positive or negative. And we can deliberately choose to make them positive or negative.

Dr Donald O. Clifton, often called as the grandfather of Positive Psychology has done a lot of research on effects of positivity on people and organizations. He created the "Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket" more than a decade ago. To put this theory in simple words, we all have a metaphorical bucket. The bucket is filled by positive interactions and emptied by negative ones.

We feel great when our buckets are full, and rotten when they are are not. We also have a metaphorical dipper that we can use to empty or fill other people's buckets; but when we fill others' buckets, we also fill our own. Thus an organization populated by people with "full buckets" would have much more positive energy than one of people with "empty buckets", and would be more productive and profitable.

So what does this theory have to do with our relationships, whether at work or home?
Our relationships with people are formed by small moments, and they are crucial both in business and in personal lives. Dr Clifton and Tom Rath have discovered a 3:1 ratio; when a work team has more than three positive interactions for every one negative interaction, it is significantly more likely to be productive. When the positive interactions are lower than that, team is significantly less productive.

However wanting a more positive environment isn't enough. We need to do something, but not overwhelm people with positive emotions by cutting out negative emotions completely. Ignoring negative things that need to be changed is destructive! Instead, we should focus on the way we are treating other people in our brief interactions with them. For example, managers who start the conversation by focusing on a few good things that the employee has accomplished, then moving on to areas that need improvement, set up a more positive framework for discussion.

Therefore in conclusion, let us all aim to fill our buckets with positive interactions as much as possible for more fulfilling relationships.

Getting old vs Being old

You must have noticed that some people are worn down by hard work, while others thrive on it. The difference lies in complex social and psychological factors to which our bodies are constantly responding. Getting old and being old are two different things. Growing old happens in the mind; it is therefore uniquely variable in humans. After 20 years, any dog is an old dog; after 3 years, any mouse is an old mouse; after 100 years, any blue whale is a very old blue whale. In all these creatures, biological age is the only number that counts, yet everyone knows people who are young at 80 and others who seem old at 25 years. The great Renaissance man Sir Francis Bacon held a caustic opinion of old people-- "who object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, and repent too soon". This is the kind of old age everyone wants to avoid. Fortunately, nothing in our physical makeup forces it upon us. If we don't want to grow old, we can choose not to.

Psychologist Bernice Neugarten from the University of Chicago has given five factors, governing life satisfaction which in turn influence our 'getting old'. These are:
1. The person derives pleasure from daily activities.
2. The person regards his life as meaningful.
3. The person feels he has achieved his major goals.
4. The person holds a positive self-image and regards himself as worthwhile.
5. The person is optimistic.

Studies have shown that early aging is slowed down by good mental health and accelerated by poor mental health. Aging process is learned. People with good mental health teach their bodies to age well. Increased stress is often observed in the lives of those who become chronically ill and die young, but stress doesn't make people sick; giving up their inner adaptability to stress does.

The greatest threat to life and health is losing our spontaneity and sense of wonder. Children display tremendous vitality and rush at each day with open arms. This is natural to them and remains natural until they learn the dulling habits and attitudes that kill their spontaneous curiosity and wonder. As we grow older or mature, we start spending too much time in planning things. As a result, child-like innocence, creativity and pleasure are lost!

You are only as old as you think you are!

There is a famous saying, "You are only as old as you think (or feel) you are", and this relates to our psychological age. We can change our psychological age by interweaving personal and social factors. Among the major factors are our regular daily and work routine, job satisfaction, satisfying long-term relationships and feeling of personal happiness, love and compassion.

A psychologist from University of California, Larry Scherwitz, did an interesting study. He taped the conversations of nearly 600 men, a third of whom were suffering from heart disease, and the rest of whom were healthy. Listening to the tapes, he counted how often each men used the words I, me and mine. Comparing his results with the frequency of heart disease, Scherwitz found that men who used the first-person pronoun most often had the higher risk of heart trouble. In addition, by following his subjects for several years, he found that the more a man habitually talked about himself, the greater the chance he would actually have a coronary disease.

Counting the times a person said "I" was an ingenious way to quantify self-absorption. This means the less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers. The antidote for this is to be more giving, as Scherwitz concluded:

Listen with regard when others talk; 

Give your time and energy to others; 

Let others have their way; and

Do things for reasons other than furthering your own needs.

Now, tell me how old are you?

Three Ages of Man

How old are you? Before you rush to reply, consider that there are three distinct and separate ways to measure someone's age:
Chronological age-- how old are you by the calendar.
Biological age-- how old your body is in terms of critical life signs and cellular processes.
Psychological age-- how old you feel you are.

Only the first of these, the chronological age is fixed, and this is also the most unreliable of the three. One 50-year old may be nearly as healthy as he was at 25, while another person of the same age may already have the body of a 60- or 70- year old. To really know how old you are, the second measure, biological age comes into play; it tells us how time has affected your organs and tissues compared to other people of same chronological age.

Biological age also has its limits as a measurement tool. Biological age is known to be changeable. The arrow of time can move forward quickly or slowly, stop in its tracks, or even turn around. Your body becomes younger or older biologically depending on how you treat it.

The determining factor is psychological age, which is the most personal and mysterious of the measurements but also the one that holds the most promise for reversing the aging process. Like biological age, psychological age is completely personal--- no two people have exactly the same psychological age because no two people have exactly the same experiences. How old you feel you are has no boundaries and can reverse in a split second. An old woman recalling her first love can suddenly look and sound as if she has turned 18 again.

Instead of coming up with a fixed number to answer the question "How old are you?", we need to arrive at a sliding scale that shows how fast our three ages are moving in relation to one another. For example, take the case of two 50-year old men:
A, who has lots of family problems, suffers from depression, with a history of heart disease, and overweight.
B, who is happily married, healthy, optimistic, and satisfied with his job.

Although A and B are both chronologically 50 years old, A is under so many negative influences that his body is 10 years older biologically and is aging quickly. The picture is very different for B. His good physical and mental health indicate that he is aging slowly biologically and is actually getting younger psychologically.

Although we can't change our chronological age, we can very well alter the other two ages, more so the psychological age. How to do that, we shall explore in the next blog!

What is beauty?

Does your partner look as beautiful to you today as five years ago, or last year or yesterday?

Now, what is beauty? Who is beautiful? If we go by the definitions of beauty projected by the numerous advertisements in the daily newspapers, a woman is beautiful only if she is as "endowed" in that area as the model in the ad.

As a woman myself, I fail to understand the typical definition of sexiness, attractiveness and the other --- "nesses" linked to one's body's form. Or how losing hair or that male pattern baldness makes a man less attractive or sexy?

A study published in July, 2004 issue of scientific journal Evolution and Human Behavior shows that our idea of our lover being beautiful depends on what we have learnt about him or her over time.We all start perceiving physical attractiveness or beauty differently after a while. Scientists have found that those people who we find initially physically appealing would not look that good if negative traits start piling up. On the other hand, a person will look even better if positive attributes add up, even as age takes its wrinkly toll.

So if you believe in love at first sight, keep in mind that the person who makes you swoon now, might not after a few weeks, months or years. The desirability of a possible mate depends as much on the "non-physical" traits like whether they are cooperative, dependable, brave. hardworking, intelligent and so on--- as on physical factors like smooth skin and symmetrical features. It is not smart to discount potential partners on looks alone, because many less-than-pretty folks have plenty of beautiful traits.

The worth and value of a woman are not and should not be measured by the her vital statistics or shape of her features. A woman has much beauty to celebrate: her life and identity, the vital role she plays in the domestic setting and the workplace, the contributions she has made in various arenas through the years, her creative energies manifested in her writing, and the power in her voice which can still both a crying baby and a raging sea, among others.

Therefore, every woman is beautiful and worthy, with or without her perfect body or features. The bottom line is -- Beauty remains an ethereal thing, becoming brighter or duller over time depending on the person who perceives it. Someone has rightly said-- Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it!

Life and Nation-- an economist's view

An economist's hypothesis: When the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

An economics professor proposed above mentioned hypothesis in his class but his students didn't agree to it. However a few months later, the professor made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. Here it is how: 

His class was insisting that Socialism for a country would work well since no one would be poor and no one would be rich, thus providing a great equalizer. The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on the Socialist plan".... All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars/money - something closer to students and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they likewise studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one was motivated to study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward (and risk) is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will work really hard to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

So the proposed hypothesis was proved correct!

Are you a Carrot, an Egg, or the Coffee Bean?

For one of my speeches for Toastmasters Club, I prepared the following speech with a strong message (original author unknown):

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life, and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as if when one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked,"Tell me what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take the eggs and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to smell and sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she smelled and tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,"What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity-- boiling water-- but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. She asked her daughter,"Which are you? When trials and adversity knock on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a passive heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or, am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the colour and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you become better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity? Like the Carrot, the Egg, or the Coffee Bean?

Toxic Stress--High anxiety lowers learning ability

Professor Jack Shonkoff, Director of the Center of the Developing Child at Harvard University, and Professor of Pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and Boston Children's Hospital, has been talking about the profound effects parents have on their young children when he mentions the "Still Face Experiment". Done by developmental psychologist Edward Tronick, who teaches at the University of Massachusetts in Boston, the tests illustrate how a parent's interactions with his or her child can have a powerful effect.

In one of the YouTube videos on Still Face Experiment viewed by millions, a mother is seen cooing, talking and laughing with her one-year-old child. But when the mother suddenly stops responding, the child immediately registers something is amiss and with increasing desperation tries to win back the mother's attention. When all else fails, the baby collapses in tears.

Professor Shonkoff refers to these experiments to explain "toxic stress"--- a term he famously coined in the last decade to describe the chronic stress suffered by children who face various adversities in childhood. Just like in the earlier part of the video, when the interactions between a mother and child are positive, it helps fuel an explosion of neural circuits in the infant, linking disparate parts of the brain and growing stronger as learning and experiences reinforce connections.

The child's interactions with her parents--- being fed, hugged, cooed at, sung to--- send electrical impulses shooting through the developing circuits of her brain, strengthening pathways and inciting new synapses to grow. At its peak, the cerebral cortex region of an infant's brain can produce two millions new synapses every second. All this develops the child's capacity to think, learn and process emotions. A whole host of problems arise when interactions between parent and child are poor, or worse, non-existent.

Referring to the second part of the video, when the child is stressed by the mother's sudden unresponsiveness, Prof Shonkoff says: when a young child's stress response systems are activated within an environment of supportive relationships with adults, these psychological effects are buffered and brought back down to baseline. The result is the development of healthy stress response systems. But in situations of chronic neglect or abuse, where there is no adult presence to comfort and calm the child, her stress response can stay elevated. And, over some time, this turns into toxic stress, which research has shown can impair a child's capacity to learn, and even her physical and mental health. The effect can last a lifetime! Just as a weak foundation compromises the quality and strength of a house, adverse experiences early in life can impair brain architecture, with negative effects lasting into adulthood (reference: The Adverse Childhood Experiences, ACE, Study in US, 2014).

Prof Shonkoff says toxic stress affects the learning capacity of children, which subsequently leads to under-performance in school, and stunts growth in parts of the brain. It affects the prefrontal cortex. the area of the brain most closely associated with "executive function" skills, which are not the same as intelligence but encompass abilities crucial to learning, such as paying attention and following directions. Neuroscience has shown that emotional experiences, the quality of relationships that children have with the important people in their lives and the interactions and feelings that go with those relationships actually influence learning.

Fortunately, there is a silver lining. Research has found there are ways to lessen toxic stress. The best and most effective way is to reduce the chances of young children being exposed to extremely stressful conditions, such as recurrent abuse, chronic neglect and violence at home. It is also critical to intervene early, in the crucial window when the brain is developing. There's a lot of research that suggests that we must start early, even before a child is born. That means telling about-to-be mothers about the dangers of drug use, alcohol and tobacco.

Studies have found that mothers rated as being particularly responsive and nurturing had babies whose cortisol patterns were much more likely to be normal, regardless of whether they lived in poverty or chaos. Having a nurturing mother almost completely mitigated the developmental damage that, in other children, correlated with stress. However, it is not required for mothers to respond to their children 100 per cent of the time or be constantly "in sync" with their children, responding to their every move, as they say. Moving in and out of sync with their babies is not only normal, but can also be a positive learning experience for both parent and child.

Therefore, parents of young children or parents-to-be should be aware of the toxic stress and its detrimental consequences on the brain development and learning process, to enable their children to grow into emotionally and socially stable individuals.

The Club 99

Another enlightening story showing one of the possible causes of our present day stress and the evolution of our mental state!

Long long ago, much before our time, there lived a king in southern province of India, his name was Raja. He had strong army, and all the riches and luxuries. he had the attention of everyone wherever he went. He would wine and dine every night. Raja had a huge palace of 300 rooms, gardens, lakes and streams, and he bought all the luxuries that he could imagine. He had a council of ministers which was headed by Prime Minister; a wise man named Vajir. Raja had very little to do as all his work of kingdom was shouldered by the Vajir.

Despite all this, Raja was never happy. Though he had so much of wealth, enjoyed all the luxuries and respect and had very little to do, he was always searching for new luxuries, demanding more from his people and wanting to build even stronger army. He wanted to build his palace even bigger and grander than the palaces of the other kings. He would sleep late and get up late in the day.

One day, the king was very disturbed and despite all the wine he had he could not sleep. In the early hours of morning he heard a soothing song. He got up to see where this voice was coming from. He found that one of his servants, Ramu, had come for work and was cleaning the palace, and was singing while doing his work. The song was very pleasant and he was doing his work happily. King watched for a while but Ramu was busy with his work and never noticed that king had been watching him. King was puzzled and could not understand why this man was so happy despite working very hard. That day he went to his darbar and summoned his Vajir.

After Vajir came in, Raja narrated what he had observed and asked him about that servant, how much he was paid, was he taking any bribe to make extra money, etc. He ordered Vajir to find out how he was so happy? Vajir went on to collect this information and returned in half an hour. Raja was quite restless and was waiting for the report eagerly.

Vajir told Raja that the servant's name was Ramu, he was serving in palace for the last 20 years, and was paid a salary of 10 copper coins every month. He was very sincere in his work and there was no evidence of his taking any bribe. Raja asked how much salary increase he had gotten in last 20 years, and Vajir told him, from 8 copper coins to 10 now. Raja asked who all were there in his family. Vajir replied that he lived with his wife and two children.

Raja was not convinced with this information and asked Vajir to summon Ramu. Next day Ramu was brought to darbar, and he looked very scared. Raja asked him how he lived happily in 10 copper coins. Ramu explained with full respect that his wife cooked for the family and took care of the children and he worked sincerely at the palace. In the evening the whole family spent time together and he was very happy. Raja was not convinced how Ramu could be so happy in 10 copper coins while with all his riches he was not. He ordered Vajir to find out the true reason in next 10 days.

Vajir was now very worried as he knew that it was not easy to convince Raja. He kept thinking and thinking, and being a wise person as he was, at last on 9th day he was struck with an idea. On the 10th day, Raja asked Vajir for his explanation in darbar. Vajir told him that Ramu was happy as he had not joined the Club 99. Once he did that he would not be happy. Raja was not satisfied with his explanation and asked what was this Club 99. Vajir replied that he needed another 10 days and 100 gold coins to demonstrate that. Raja warned him that his head would be chopped off if he could not prove his point. Vajir had no choice but to accept the challenge. He collected 100 gold coins from the treasury. He put 99 coins in a bag and left at the doorstep of Ramu late in the night.

Ramu was just stepping out of his house in the morning when he saw a bag at his doorstep. Wondering about its contents, he took it into his house and opened it. When he opened the bag, he let out a big shout of joy-- gold coins-- so many of them. He could hardly believe it. He called his wife to show her the coins and emptied the bag on the table. He began counting them and realized that there were 99 coins. He thought it was an odd number so he counted again, and again and again, but they were still 99. He began to wonder what could have happened to that last one coin? For no one would leave 99 coins.He began to search his entire house, looked around his backyard for hours, not wanting to lose out on that one coin. Before leaving his house for work, he ordered his wife and children to search for the missing coin during the day.

The next day Raja was curious to know what Vajir was up to and got up early, but he did not hear Ramu's song. He noticed that Ramu sneaked in late for work that day and looked tired and exhausted in the morning itself. He was not singing and was trying to rush through his work. In fact, Ramu was thinking about the missing coin the whole day so he had no interest in work in the palace. He left at sharp 5 PM and rushed back home. On reaching home he asked his wife and children about the missing coin, and scolded them for not doing proper search. They all searched together till late in the night. He did not eat the dinner properly. He could not sleep, and was thinking how to get the 100th coin. A few days passed like this; he was still searching the missing coin, exhausted, not eating and sleeping properly, and scolding his family. Finally on 5th day he struck with the idea that he should ask his wife also to work and save enough copper and silver coins to get a gold coin. He mustered courage and went to goldsmith shop and was told that one needed 100 silver coins to get one gold coin and for one silver coin he needed 100 copper coins.

Though exhausted, he decided that he was going to work harder than ever to make up for that one gold coin to make his entire collection an even 100 gold coins. Ramu was then planning to get a part time job, pushing his wife to acquire new skills so that she could also work, and was always shouting at children for doing nothing. He was always rushing in and out of palace, leaving at sharp 5 PM, and even got his first warning for being late by his supervisor.

On the 7th day, Raja noticed that Ramu was then a different person, who had lost interest in his work and was not singing at all. His face was pulled down, and he looked exhausted and worried. Raja was puzzled and called for Vajir for an explanation for the change in Ramu. Vajir told Raja that he had joined the Club 99 and he narrated the whole story. Raja was very impressed by the Vajir and the way he demonstrated the whole concept. He praised him, but asked where was the missing coin. Vajir promptly put his hand in his pocket and returned the 100th coin to the king!

The Hospital Window

This is a great story sent by my friend who also doesn't know its original author. Nevertheless it is so inspiring that I thought of sharing with everyone! So here is The Hospital Window:

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation, etc.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close hie eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band, he could see it; in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Moral of the story is--- There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If we want to feel rich, just count all the things we have that money can't buy. Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present!

Coming back home!

While cleaning my daughters' bookshelves, I came across a notebook where they had written English essays while they were in secondary schools and junior colleges. This one, "Coming back home" is from my elder daughter Ruchika's notebook when she was in junior college. It was really nice and touched my heart, so I thought of sharing with everyone. Here it goes:

It has been almost ten years since I last went home. New York had almost become my second home. I was too busy juggling career and family, to realize all that I had left behind. It seemed like it was a picture perfect life I had. All was going well, all pieces of my life juxtaposed in place harmoniously. I was at the peak of my life.

But as they say, life comes full circle. Just when you have it all in control, life takes it out of your grip and leaves you helpless. I was travelling to Germany for a conference, when I experienced the preliminary symptoms of what would turn out to be a slipped-disc. It was an acute pain that spread across my entire back within seconds. I was frozen in my seat, helpless. Powerless. I got myself admitted in a hospital in Germany shortly after I landed. The last thing on my mind was the conference. I could not care less about all the days of preparation, board meetings and what might be the state of my fellow colleagues. I wished I was home, with my wife and girls. I would have gotten better in their company. At home.

Suddenly like a photo album of memories, my childhood flashed in my mind. I was in India. My mother was talking to me, telling me to write back home once I settle and find a home in US. It was to be my maiden flight overseas. My parents had sacrificed a lot of things in life to see me through to that day. To see the smile on my face, to see me achieve success I always wanted. I came before anything else in my parents' lives for as long as I can remember. They believed my future mattered more than the greatest riches of the world. Education was one and the only thing that can never be bought or sold. Such were the words of my father. and so he would say, never compromise it for anything.

Now when I thought about them in my hospital bed, tears trickled down my face. Tears of guilt and regret. I had lost ten precious years I could have, with the two most loving people in the world for some mere momentary pleasure. Life is not in our control. Anything could happen, anytime. What if I wasn't able to ever see them again? What if something happens to them? Will they ever know their son still cared about them, thought about them, albeit ten years after forgetting them. I could not let this happen. It took a setback in my life to make me realize what was the most precious thing to me. My parents, my real home. I almost gave it away for mere riches. What a fool I was. As I thought about my parents, I fell into a slumber.

When I next saw sunlight, I wasn't alone. My wife was sitting by my side. My two lovely daughters were also with her. I could not have asked for a better medicine than that. Nina, the elder one said, 'Dad, we wanted to be with you.' I couldn't stop the tears flowing down my cheeks. They had never seen me cry and came rushing and hugged me.

At that moment I knew, my father would have wanted to hear something similar coming out of my mouth. 'And I would love to give the same joyous surprise my children gave me', I said to myself. That must have been the wisest decision I had made in my life. It brought me home!

Graduation speech by my daughter

I was missing in action for many days, if you have noticed, as I was busy getting some repairs done and painting of my home. While cleaning the cupboards of my daughters, I chanced upon a sheet of paper which was the graduation speech my younger daughter, Neha had given after her 'O' level graduation from her Alma mater, Methodist Girls' School(MGS), Singapore. I 'relived' the whole morning session I had attended many years ago with my husband, feeling so proud of her! Below is the speech:

Good morning Ms Kon, Mrs Yap, Mrs Sim, teachers and of course, good morning MGS.

It's lovely to be back in school. Back in a school that I love. There are so many things I love about MGS. For one, I love the fact that we are centered on God, because no matter what your faith, these are universal values for humanity. I love that we have MGS primary right next door because that keeps us young at heart. I love that I have had the privilege of spending so much time with friends and teachers in school that somewhere along the road, the line between these two became blurred and teachers became friends and friends became teachers. But more than anything I love MGS for the extraordinary journey it led us through.

The best things about my four years here was the love and encouragement that I received from everyone. And the memories this translated into. I'll always remember the first days of a new term when we'd all come to school especially early, shriek with excitement when we'd see our friends in the concourse, run up to class and choose the perfect seats, from where we could see the whiteboard but the teachers couldn't really see us. And I'm speaking from experience, of course.

And it was encouragement that kept all the Secondary 4 students away from the rooftops of tall buildings. Just when we'd feel like giving up on ourselves, a friend or teacher would remind us of the great job we'd done and our immense potential. And all will be well again. And of course, we'd always remember the track and field and swimming meets, where passions would soar and MGS girls would channel their typical pitch to good use--- the creation of the MGS shriek, akin to the Singapore roar or the RGS growl.

These are the memories that make MGS the great school that it is. Girls come here as strangers and by the end of four years, leave as best friends. The love that is imbibed in each one of us is what keeps us strong and faithful. We strive to do our best because we're taught not to merely settle for what we have, but fight the good fight for what we deserve. We're women who walk by faith, in faith. We're MGS girls.

And this is really the MGS legacy, passed from each batch of graduating class to the next. The determination to excel, the undying desire to grow in faith and the brimming hearts abound with love for one another. These traits define the MGS spirit which infuses itself in any girl who passes the through portals of this grand school.

Therefore, to MGSians present, I'd like you to remember this in your endeavors--- you have inherited a marvelous legacy and it is no coincidence that you have been chosen to live up to it. To the graduating class of 2003, well done, guys! We hung in there together and look where we all are now! We're all going to stay the best of friends and continue on this journey of life together!

To the teachers, thank you for giving yourselves away to us and looking out for us like you would for your own children. MGS is the place that it is, only because you found it in yourself everyday to be energetic and passionate. On behalf of all MGS girls,I'd like to thank all the teachers for their sacrifices and support. Words fail to express my gratitude and I only hope that the teachers, with their uncanny ability to read us, can once again read our hearts.

I'd like to also thank the school administration and the non-teaching staff for being so fantastic with their support network that often, we'd forget to be grateful. But today, we thank them.

MGS was a place of friends, of fun and love. It was our second home, where we grew gracefully and found meaning for our lives. And these things the mind may forget, but the heart will not. And even as memories fade, the feelings will remain forever. And today our hearts confess the debt we owe and the love we hold. For all that, thank you, MGS.

Managing emotions

All of us have emotional ups and downs, and we talk so much about the emotional turmoil or pain all the time. A few of us cry, some shout, and many need to take drugs, in order to manage our emotional bursts. What are emotions?

Emotions are the feelings we have about experiences. These feelings are not just our thoughts but often a bodily response to the experiences. Being emotional or becoming emotional in a situation is a natural process we all have biologically. But it becomes a problem when we are not able to control or manage our emotions, and they start playing havoc with our health, including mental health.

If we care about our well-being and wish to live happily, we need to overcome the extremes of emotional behaviour. Our emotional outbursts usually happen when we are anxious, fearful, frustrated, or too much 'stressed'. To overcome these, we need to do two things:

Firstly, emotions need to be mentioned. Many times, we keep saying that I am feeling sad or unhappy-- a generic way of expression. But do we really know what we actually feel? We are so immersed in routine activities that we hardly spend any time alone, to become self-aware of our own emotions. Unless we know what type of emotion we are going through, whether it is feeling of rejection, disapproval, frustration, guilt, low self-esteem, non-care, etc., it is very difficult to address it. So we need to become self-aware of our emotions and mention it to the other person, so that specific action, if any, can be taken.

Secondly, emotions need to be managed. So many times we feel as if we are controlled by our emotions instead of we controlling them!What to do then? We need to stop for a while, become aware of what exactly we are feeling at that moment, and process it accordingly. Understanding the emotion will help in reducing its intensity, and further help in seeing the situation in a different perspective. With feelings under control, now we are able to think clearly and arrive at some solution. In the end, we may even feel happy with the outcome as this whole process stopped us from acting on impulse!