Feeling Grateful today

I just finished grading assignments of one of my classes for Human Anatomy and Physiology module, and almost everyone got an A or B, and only one had C, out of a class of 25 students. This is an indication of how well they understood the topic, and also how they did in class, in terms of team work and team discussion, PowerPoint presentation, and be able to answer the questions asked from them, among other things. 

I feel really grateful every time when I am in the classroom, to have gotten such motivated and keen learners as students. When the semester starts and students are new, it usually takes a few classes for them to adjust and after that, when they have sort of adapted themselves to my style and expectations, it is a pleasure to teach them. I look forward to go to college, as when they are able to understand a difficult topic and have their 'aha' moments, it is really worth the effort!

Whether Director of my school, School of Applied Sciences, acknowledges or not, which he does, it gives me immense satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment when my students do very well in the continuous assessment, and in examination, and email me proudly their results. My heart is filled with gratitude, having taught for more than 30 years, and still I feel like a student. 

Every time when I am with my students, not only they learn from me, I also learn a lot from them. My keen desire to learn more and more, patience and perseverance, ability to deal with difficult people and situations, all these and many more things, are due to them. Thank you God, thank you daddy and mummy, for guiding me towards becoming an educator.

Why People Misunderstand Each Other

How many times have we felt that we were misunderstood by the other person? Many times, right! However hard we may try to come across to others in a certain way, they may still perceive us in an altogether different way. For example, we may think that by offering help to someone, we are being generous. But that person may interpret that as a lack of faith in his abilities. This sort of misunderstanding happens both at workplace and in personal life, and leads to conflict and resentment.

Most of the time, we don't realize that we are not coming across to others the way we think we are. This gap arises due to a phenomenon which psychologists call "the transparency illusion"--the belief that what we feel, desire, and intend to do is clear to others, even though we do not communicate clearly what is going on inside our minds.

What happens in reality is this: our mind processes information, including information about others, through two distinct stages-- a fast and automatic stage (which processes information quickly and automatically), and a reflective and deliberative stage (which processes information in a conscious, rational, and deliberative manner). 

These two stages correspond to the two ways our nervous system works-- the first one is called reflex action where our body responds automatically to a stimulus. For example, when we touch a hot surface, our hand automatically moves away. This bypasses the brain to save time and is important for our survival. The second pathway involves brain, and hence cognition happens, using past experiences and building new neuronal connections. This takes some time, hence it is also called deliberative.

The fast and automatic stage is at work when we are doing routine work like driving on familiar roads while talking to a friend in the car, or doing simple maths problems, or when we see someone smile and 'know' that he is happy. This stage uses shortcuts to come to conclusions about another person by reading facial expressions, body language, and intentions, which produces our "first impressions" about that person.

The reflective and slower stage is at work when doing more complicated maths problem, or when driving on new routes, or figuring out solutions to a new problem. Unlike the fast stage, where thinking is automatic and effortless, reflective stage thinking requires a lot of effort and mental energy. Most of us being cognitive misers, which means we are lazy thinkers, are fine to trade off speed for accuracy in thinking about others. Hence our earlier impression formed about others remains the same!

Besides this, our perception about the other person is affected by our own experiences, emotions, and biases, and this also contributes to misunderstandings between people. To avoid  these misunderstandings, we need to become a good sender of the right signals than to just hope that others will make effort to really understand us the way we intend to be understood. We can't control what's going on inside of another person's mind, but we can control how we come across to them by sending 'clear signals'-- both verbal and non-verbal.

People who send clear signals to others are ultimately happier and more satisfied with their relationships, careers and lives than those who are more difficult to read. This is because 'feeling understood' is a basic human need. When it is satisfied, people feel more at peace with themselves and with others around them. In short, if we wish to be understood correctly by others, we need to communicate clearly our intentions, emotions and what we expect them to do.

Suffering and Attention

Suffering is an inescapable part of our life. There isn't a single human being in the world, whether he is a monk in the Himalayas, or a man in the street, or a very successful person, each one of us suffers. And we make others suffer. That's our cycle. There isn't one human being who has not cried, shed tears and experienced the pain of loss. When someone believes something contrary, we are willing to despise him, criticize him and make him suffer. This is going on.

So there is sorrow at the individual level due to all these sufferings--- my son is dead, my husband has left me, I am lonely, etc. Then there is sorrow at the macro level, of seeing another person suffer, the sorrow of those who cannot read or write, those who are extremely poor, etc. Sorrow is not sentimental, rather it is a dreadful thing, and all of us are pained by it!

Now the question is, can this sorrow ever end? Probably we have never asked that question! We have never faced it; we all want to escape from it, take a drug in order not to suffer, or get drunk. Instead of facing the sorrow directly, we try to cover it through words, through some kind of hope and so on. Facing the sorrow and living with it means to give one's whole attention to it.

Attention is like fire; when complete attention is given, any of these things like sorrow, loneliness, pain, anxiety, tears, etc., goes, disappears. Giving complete attention to feelings of sorrow or suffering burns them.

Where there is ending of sorrow there is passion which is not lust, but part of love. Where there is love there is compassion. And where there is this extraordinary passion of compassion there is intelligence, and that intelligence acts to diminish the suffering.

What to do when our mind is confused

Our mind is active 24/7, and that too at very high speed. Mostly it is lost either in analyzing our past actions or planning for the future dreams. Since past is dead, and future does not exist, we are perpetually confused. I am reading great philosopher J. Krishnamurti's book called The Awakening of Intelligence, and he has explained the workings of a confused mind beautifully as given below.

A confused mind seeking clarity will only further confuse itself, because a confused mind can't find clarity. It's confused; what can it do? Any search on its part will only lead to further confusion. I think we don't realize that. Most of us like to remain confused, because in the state of confusion we need not act. And so we are satisfied with the confusion, so as to avoid action.

When we are confused, we have to stop; stop pursuing any activity. And the very stopping is the beginning of the new, which is the most positive action. To remove confusion we need to develop self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom, and also, self-knowledge is the beginning and the ending of sorrow. Self-knowledge is not to be bought in a book, or by going to a psychologist and being examined analytically. Self-knowledge is actually understanding what is in oneself: the pains, the anxieties, the fears, the despair, and seeing them without any distortion. Out of this understanding clarity comes into being. But for that to happen we must give our whole attention, our whole interest, to it.

To know the whole content of one's mind, one has to be aware, aware in the sense of observing, not with resistance or with condemnation, not with approval or disapproval, not with pleasure or non-pleasure, just observing. That observation is the negation of the psychological structure of a society which says, 'You must, you must not.' So, what is essential is to see that when one is confused, he should not try to escape from it, not try to find explanations for it; rather be passively, choicelessly, aware of it. And then we will see that quite a different action springs from that passive awareness, because if we make an effort to clarify the state of confusion, what we create will still be confused. But, if we are aware of ourselves, choicelessly, passively aware, then that confusion unfolds and fades away.

My experience in music class today

I have been learning keyboard for the last two months in a music school here in Jurong, Singapore. Up till now I have learnt to play semibreve, minim, dotted-minim and crotchet, with both right and left hands. I have been practicing my lessons quite sincerely since I started, and look forward to going for the class every Saturday. Today I was introduced to quaver note which is half of crotchet. I played the notes and it was 'magical'. It exhilarated me when I could play the correct notes in the first try itself. Something inside me was stirred, and I felt so joyful and peaceful! I don't know what was it, but it was really something divine! I realized why music is considered divine, a route to go deeper inside.

This has been my childhood desire to learn some musical instrument, and now when I am learning to play keyboard, I feel fortunate to be able to realize my childhood dream! More talk later, I am rushing to practise today's lesson......

Never give up

Yesterday was very busy day in the college, and by the time I returned home it was almost night. I was really tired after a long day, and felt 'lost' in a sea of things, running here and there. Some things had not gone well during the day, which made me feel even more frustrated and like'giving up'. As usual, I was reading before sleeping, I happened to read the following story before drifting to sleep...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

When I woke up in the morning, I remembered the story of the donkey. I read the story again, and its moral: life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

Why do we read Bhagavat Gita

Have you wondered why do we read Gita, even if we can't understand or remember it ?

This is beautiful story which will explain why we read Gita, as well as inspire us to read if we are not reading it already!

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavat Gita. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavat Gita just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand, I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagavat Gita do?"

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.

The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again. At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!"

"So you think it is useless ?" The old man said, "Look at the basket."

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavat Gita. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Krishna in our lives."

After reading this story, I felt truly inspired and motivated to continue to read Gita, even though we may at times feel that we don't understand it!

The first day of the new semester

Today was the beginning of the new term, the first day of the new semester. I reached early, just in case my laptop has any problem connecting with the projector. Everything was fine and students started arriving. This was year one students, pretty new to the college environment. They seemed quiet and a bit shy initially, but as we progressed with some of the introductory team activities, they started to participate better.

After completing the introduction, we developed class rules or the learning contract as I call it, for smooth functioning of the classroom learning. Among them most important ones were the need to be attentive to listen to other people, reduce distractions from hand phone, Facebook, etc., and contribute actively in team and class discussions. All of them agreed, though at times I had to remind them about these rules!

All the students focused quite well on the topic, which was learning the different types of tissues present in human body, and prepared reasonably good PPT. They managed to present their slides well, though there were a few mistakes and none of the teams had put any diagrams to illustrate the structures of the tissues. I explained the importance of diagrams in explaining the structures and extolled them to do so in future lessons.

Last 15 minutes were reserved for attempting the quiz questions in exam-like environment, which serves as an indicator of how much knowledge they were able to attain during the lesson. After submitting the quiz, they were dismissed. Some students stayed back, asking for reference books, some questions to clarify, etc. One student came to me and confessed that she was totally 'lost' and didn't know how to go about researching information on the topic, and what to present on the slides. I sat down with her, and showed her some website links and how to source for the information. Then we discussed some of the concepts which she was unsure of , and after half an hour, when she was pretty sure, she left.

Overall it was a satisfying day with my new batch of students. Though they are new and 'young', they demonstrated the desire to learn and do well!

Difference in Like and Love

We often use these two words, 'like' and 'love', interchangeably in every day conversations, although they mean quite differently.

When someone asked Buddha, "What is the difference between 'I like you' and 'I love you'?", his answer was so simple: "When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily!"

So what do I understand? I think when we like some one or thing, we desire to own or 'possess' it. This may be due to our fear of losing it to someone else, which then leads to emotions like jealousy and greed. All these emotions finally lead to becoming anxious and resentful, and do not allow us to think clearly, leading to a confused state of mind.

On the other hand, when we love some one, there is no desire or need to 'possess' him, rather we allow him to be what he wants to be. We nurture him, his talents and qualities by positive reinforcement, encouraging words, etc. Since there is no jealousy or fear of losing him, we are able to express our feelings and love freely to him. That further acts like a manure for that relationship, making it even stronger and deeper.

It's up to us, what we choose, to like or love some one?

Why we shout in anger

When we are angry with someone, we tend to raise our voice and soon enough, we start shouting at that person! This is a very common phenomenon, which all of have experienced in every day situations. But why we shout in anger? Let's try to understand it.

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take a holy dip found a group of family members on the banks of the river, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples and smiled. He asked them, "Why do people shout in anger at each other?"

Disciples thought for a while, and one of them said, "Because we lose our calm, we shout."

"But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner," asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained. "When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance."

"What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small." The saint continued,"When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other."

He looked at his disciples and said,"So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant. Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return."

How true is the explanation! When we are angry with some one, and are shouting at him, we seem to have lost the love and respect for him at that time. Unless we understand our folly, and take steps to rebuild our relationship, the distance may increase so much that we may lose that relationship forever.

Optimism is key to a happy life

Let me first share a story I read a few days ago.

There were two identical twins. One was a hope-filled optimist John and the other twin was a sad and hopeless pessimist called Matthew. The worried parents of the boys brought them to the local psychologist.

He suggested to the parents a plan to balance the twin's personalities,"On their next birthday, put them in separate rooms to open their gifts. Give Matthew the best toys you can afford, and give John a box of manure." The parents followed the instructions and carefully observed the results.

When they peeked in on Matthew, they heard him complaining,"I don't like the colour of this computer...., I'll bet this calculator will break...., I don't like this game.... I know someone who's got a bigger car than this...."

Tiptoeing across the corridor, the parents peeked in and saw John, their little optimist gleefully throwing the manure up in the air. He was giggling. "You can't fool me! Where there's this much manure, there's got to be a pony."

This is the difference in a pessimist and optimist. A pessimistic person will find faults with the best of the things and complain about every situation, while an optimistic person will see ray of hope and goodness even in the worst of scenarios. Even if one feels that he is a born pessimist, he can change his attitude. This attitude of optimism or pessimism is due to our conditioning from the childhood till now. Once we become aware of our nature and put effort consciously to change, we can surely become more optimistic.

Is this all I want?

Today morning I watched one video on J Krishnamurti's teaching, and it left me pondering! He mentioned how all of us are trying to 'become somebody' all the time. For instance, "I am okay in my job, but I am trying to be better"; or "Now I don't get time for doing something, but once my children grow up, I will do it", etc. It seems we are trying to change from our present state to something perceived better in future, as if we are in a perennial race to reach somewhere. That is why the need of psychologists and psychiatrists has increased tremendously.

If we look seriously, somehow our society's culture doesn't encourage us to reflect on such things until it is too late. We are so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, getting a new car, etc.--- we are involved in millions of little things just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, "Is this all I want? Is something missing?"

Unless we 'stop' and reflect on what we are doing, whether through meditation or spending some time alone, and realign our priorities so as to 'live' some of the things now which we have relegated to some time in future, we can't be happy and peaceful. Actually there is no race, and there is absolutely no need trying to 'become' someone else, as we are complete in ourselves. We have to start living our lives 'mindfully' as they say in Buddhism, which means that whatever we do, we do with full attention. Then our present will become stress-free and joyful!

Today is my daughter Ruchika's birthday

Although all days are good days, but today is special! It's my elder daughter Ruchika's birthday. She is my little angel born on 14th April, who transformed my status to motherhood, a very important milestone in a woman's life. She was our cute bundle of joy who made both (my husband and I) of us gear all our priorities in life, I mean ALL priorities, towards her. There is no experience like having children. If anyone wants the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then she/he should have children.

All these years of her growing up into a young beautiful girl have been very precious to me, both in terms of fond memories as well as in making me a better person. When I close my eyes, I see small Ruchika playing endlessly in the courtyard of our home, running 'furiously' towards me when I returned home from college and jumping in my lap, showering all her love. How fondly she cared for her younger sister Neha, and how fiercely protective she was, and still is, of her! Both our daughters completed our family, and we got reasons to have more outings on the weekends, and to plan more holidays when they were younger. Now they are usually busy with their work and other things, but we always have this feeling called 'spiritual security' which means that we know that though we may not be together, they are watching out for us the whole time.

One of the many things I learnt over a period of time growing up with my daughters is importance of having love and great relationships among family members. If we don't have the support and love and caring and concern that we get from our family, we don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important. I feel really blessed to have so much love around me, from my husband, children, parents, relatives and friends that I sometimes feel God has been too kind to me!

Eight cows story

Today I am going to write about one of the very important attributes of a happy and fulfilled person, and that is his self-esteem. Self-esteem of a person is extremely important in determining his worth and increasing his beauty and other qualities. Here is the story,

In a tribe in South Africa, there is a custom that at the time of marriage, the bridegroom gifts cows to the bride's father. The number of cows presented depends upon the social status of the groom as well as beauty of the girl.

The chief of the tribe was a young man, handsome and well-built and all beautiful girls longed for him. However, there was a simple girl who lived next door and chief had his eyes set on her. So at the right time, he sent a message to the bride's father and asked for his daughter's hand. He also promised to give 8 cows to him. Everybody was shocked because even for the most beautiful girls, only 4-5 cows were offered. This was a very ordinary-looking girl.

They got married and started living happily. Everyone noticed that simple girl looked so beautiful after marriage. One day, a news reporter came to interview the chief. Halfway through the interview, a beautiful lady came and offered tea and went away. The reporter asked who was she. When chief replied that she was his wife, he looked in disbelief. He told that he had the impression that chief had given 8 cows for an ordinary girl. But this was no ordinary girl. She was very beautiful. How come?

The chief explained that by giving 8 cows to her father, the girl was made to realize that she was the best, much more worth than all those worth 4 cows. That boost in self-esteem made her beautiful.

Friends, this story tells us how important it is to raise someone's self-esteem, and also how easy it is! It is in our hands what we think, how we behave and what we say or do, and all these determine ones' self-esteem.

Welcome speech to the Incoming Prefectorial Board,2004 by my daughter Neha

Yesterday I was cleaning my younger daughter Neha's bookshelf when I chanced to get the welcome speech she had given as outgoing Head Prefect of her school, Methodist Girls School, Singapore(after her 'O' level graduation). It brought back memories of 2004, and how proud we had felt at her achievements! Here is the transcript of her speech.

Good morning.... everyone.......

Wow, it's really nice to hear all-girls singing again. Today, it is indeed with a loving heart and joyous song that I speak of MGS. Other institutions of learning may be places of academic excellence, fond friends and warm memories, but MGS will always be more. Even though I have graduated, I still hold a very special place in my heart for this school.

But enough of my reminiscing. We are all gathered here for a more important reason than to hear last year's head prefect moan and groan about how much she misses MGS. We are not just here to officially install the prefects of 2004 but also to commend their efforts so far.

Most of you must have heard of the value of 'serving by leading' and 'leading by serving'. These prefects here today have been elected as leaders amongst the students of this school. And, make no mistake about it--- it is the responsibility of a leader to serve those who have given her this power of leadership. Leadership isn't about being in control all the time. As leaders, your peers will count on you to provide direction and guidance in every aspect of school life by setting an example. Know that when much is given, much is expected. You have been given great power and you are to deal it out with responsibility and humility.

Use your authority wisely, and invest it into furthering the ambitions of our school. At the same time, do not be apprehensive or discouraged by such a responsibility but be bold and courageous. It is an honour to serve the school as a leader, and to lead by serving the students of this school.

During my term last year, Mrs Yap wrote this quote to me, "The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra." This I feel very aptly describes the values of the prefectorial board and every single MGSian, of MGS as a whole.I believe that each and every one of you was made a prefect for a reason. The prefectorial board has had a rich legacy of excellence and it's now your turn to uphold it and this too is not coincidental. Don't be afraid to go where there are no footsteps to follow in because creating new footsteps is precisely your job as leaders.

So, prefects of 2004, I hope that you will remember this--- You are heiresses of great power as well as responsibility and when these virtues blend, God-willing, the spirit of the blue and gold shall permeate throughout the school and touch every fibre of every student's being. It is your duty, your faith, to keep the MGS flame burning with fierce pride as you nobly run the race.

Based on first hand experience, you are all an amazing bunch of fine ladies, with double servings of enthusiasm and diligence. Last year, seeing you work on the various projects we undertook, I can conclude beyond reasonable doubt that you all are one of the best teams I've ever worked with! There were 72 of us and the collective power of 72 is immense. You did a great job last year and I have faith that this year will only be better!

At this point, I would have proposed a celebratory toast to the succeeding batch of prefects but it's illegal in more than one way.

To all of you, may the academic year be bountiful. Work hard, play hard and party hard. Cherish your friends and teachers. Believe me, you'll miss them. Here I also want to thank everyone who made last year so successful. A big thank you to the school administration and teachers for listening to our lofty dreams and helping us realize them. And for the memories, experiences and, most importantly, love, thank you very much MGS!

So with that, I wish the prefects of 2004 a fruitful year ahead. To Gerry and Nadine and the other 70 prefects, I wish you the very best of luck.

How we behave with our mother

Today I had gone for my weekly massage and the masseuse is Indonesian. She is very good with her hands, and I really get transported to euphoric feeling, of being totally relaxed both mentally and physically. We have now developed a close relationship that we both know each other's family details also. So during the intermittent talks we have during massage, she mentioned something which left me thinking on how we behave with our mother can affect her so much! Here's the story....

Let's call my masseuse Jane. She has been working in Singapore for the last ten years in the spa industry, and has been supporting her family of four younger sisters, two brothers and widowed mother back home in Indonesia. Two of her sisters have even managed to go to the University for tertiary education. Jane practically takes care of all their financial needs. She sends the money to her mother, who then gives it to the sibling needing it. She recalled one time when her sister called her from the hostel asking for money. Jane told her that she would remit the money that day and she could go to her mother the next day to take the money. Her sister tried to convince her to remit the money directly to her but she persisted, and sent to her mother only.

Her explanation opened my eyes! Jane explained that she had been doing that way for the last few years, remitting money to the mother, and not her siblings directly, though that money was mainly used to pay their tuition fees, etc. She said that due to this arrangement, her mother felt 'important' as elder in the family as anyone needing money had to ask her. If Jane had sent the money directly to her siblings, her mother would not have been involved, and hence would feel neglected (more so she was a widow and not earning). By her thoughtful action, Jane had given her mother the status of the head of the family, which in turn, meant she felt wanted and became the pivot of the family. In fact, Jane told that even she asks her mother for money when she visits her back home. In her own simple way, Jane was practicing how to take care of one's feelings, enhancing their self-worth!

Interest and initiative are important for success

When we talk of success, it means doing a task well, be it in any area, like studies, job, cooking, sports, etc. For that to happen, two things are vital, interest and initiative. Let me explain.

Unless we are interested in something we are not attracted to it, and hence we won't do it. For example, suppose I am interested in learning to play the piano, then I would look for the teacher, start taking lessons, and might be able to learn well. This finding the teacher and start taking lessons depends on the initiative taken by me. So my interest in learning music coupled with the initiative taken will lead me to learn to play the piano, not just the interest.

Consider another scenario, when we are not interested in doing something but it needs to be done (studies falls into this category for many students). In such a situation, first we have to take the initiative to put effort in its learning. As positive results start coming, we usually start developing interest in that, and then more initiative, and the cycle continues. Hence interest and initiative are like two pillars if you wish to achieve anything successfully.

Confidence vs clarity

The other day I was talking with Jeremy who was very confused about what course he should do in the university. He said that he was feeling anxious as he was not confident whether the choice he was making was good for him or not. I sat down with him, and asked him some open-ended questions about what he wanted to do after he graduated, what areas/subjects interested him, etc. After an hour or so, he looked visibly relaxed, though no decision was made yet. What caused that change in his confidence?

All of us have gone through this type of situation some time or the other, when we feel lost, confused with many choices/thoughts as we call them, and seem to have low confidence in ourselves. The problem lies not in our character, but in having lack of clarity on the issue at hand. As we go through the problem step by step, look at various options, and then list the do-able actions to be taken, half the battle is won. Then the first step/action is taken, which may be just to find more information on Google or to call a person to fix an appointment for the meeting. Followed by next action, and next... we start getting confidence as clarity starts dawning on the problem. I usually call it (in a form of equation),

Confidence = clarity on the problem/ clear instructions.

I have seen over a period of time, that when one is able to convert any new task or problem into clear instructions, he feels more confident and better equipped to handle the situation. This is because our mind needs clear, bite-sized instructions to follow, rather than fuzzy thinking repeatedly. So next time when you are feeling low on confidence, sit down for a while, think what is the problem, convert it into clear action points or instructions, and take the initiative to do the first step immediately. You will be amazed at your own work!