Feeling Grateful today

I just finished grading assignments of one of my classes for Human Anatomy and Physiology module, and almost everyone got an A or B, and only one had C, out of a class of 25 students. This is an indication of how well they understood the topic, and also how they did in class, in terms of team work and team discussion, PowerPoint presentation, and be able to answer the questions asked from them, among other things. 

I feel really grateful every time when I am in the classroom, to have gotten such motivated and keen learners as students. When the semester starts and students are new, it usually takes a few classes for them to adjust and after that, when they have sort of adapted themselves to my style and expectations, it is a pleasure to teach them. I look forward to go to college, as when they are able to understand a difficult topic and have their 'aha' moments, it is really worth the effort!

Whether Director of my school, School of Applied Sciences, acknowledges or not, which he does, it gives me immense satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment when my students do very well in the continuous assessment, and in examination, and email me proudly their results. My heart is filled with gratitude, having taught for more than 30 years, and still I feel like a student. 

Every time when I am with my students, not only they learn from me, I also learn a lot from them. My keen desire to learn more and more, patience and perseverance, ability to deal with difficult people and situations, all these and many more things, are due to them. Thank you God, thank you daddy and mummy, for guiding me towards becoming an educator.

Why People Misunderstand Each Other

How many times have we felt that we were misunderstood by the other person? Many times, right! However hard we may try to come across to others in a certain way, they may still perceive us in an altogether different way. For example, we may think that by offering help to someone, we are being generous. But that person may interpret that as a lack of faith in his abilities. This sort of misunderstanding happens both at workplace and in personal life, and leads to conflict and resentment.

Most of the time, we don't realize that we are not coming across to others the way we think we are. This gap arises due to a phenomenon which psychologists call "the transparency illusion"--the belief that what we feel, desire, and intend to do is clear to others, even though we do not communicate clearly what is going on inside our minds.

What happens in reality is this: our mind processes information, including information about others, through two distinct stages-- a fast and automatic stage (which processes information quickly and automatically), and a reflective and deliberative stage (which processes information in a conscious, rational, and deliberative manner). 

These two stages correspond to the two ways our nervous system works-- the first one is called reflex action where our body responds automatically to a stimulus. For example, when we touch a hot surface, our hand automatically moves away. This bypasses the brain to save time and is important for our survival. The second pathway involves brain, and hence cognition happens, using past experiences and building new neuronal connections. This takes some time, hence it is also called deliberative.

The fast and automatic stage is at work when we are doing routine work like driving on familiar roads while talking to a friend in the car, or doing simple maths problems, or when we see someone smile and 'know' that he is happy. This stage uses shortcuts to come to conclusions about another person by reading facial expressions, body language, and intentions, which produces our "first impressions" about that person.

The reflective and slower stage is at work when doing more complicated maths problem, or when driving on new routes, or figuring out solutions to a new problem. Unlike the fast stage, where thinking is automatic and effortless, reflective stage thinking requires a lot of effort and mental energy. Most of us being cognitive misers, which means we are lazy thinkers, are fine to trade off speed for accuracy in thinking about others. Hence our earlier impression formed about others remains the same!

Besides this, our perception about the other person is affected by our own experiences, emotions, and biases, and this also contributes to misunderstandings between people. To avoid  these misunderstandings, we need to become a good sender of the right signals than to just hope that others will make effort to really understand us the way we intend to be understood. We can't control what's going on inside of another person's mind, but we can control how we come across to them by sending 'clear signals'-- both verbal and non-verbal.

People who send clear signals to others are ultimately happier and more satisfied with their relationships, careers and lives than those who are more difficult to read. This is because 'feeling understood' is a basic human need. When it is satisfied, people feel more at peace with themselves and with others around them. In short, if we wish to be understood correctly by others, we need to communicate clearly our intentions, emotions and what we expect them to do.

Suffering and Attention

Suffering is an inescapable part of our life. There isn't a single human being in the world, whether he is a monk in the Himalayas, or a man in the street, or a very successful person, each one of us suffers. And we make others suffer. That's our cycle. There isn't one human being who has not cried, shed tears and experienced the pain of loss. When someone believes something contrary, we are willing to despise him, criticize him and make him suffer. This is going on.

So there is sorrow at the individual level due to all these sufferings--- my son is dead, my husband has left me, I am lonely, etc. Then there is sorrow at the macro level, of seeing another person suffer, the sorrow of those who cannot read or write, those who are extremely poor, etc. Sorrow is not sentimental, rather it is a dreadful thing, and all of us are pained by it!

Now the question is, can this sorrow ever end? Probably we have never asked that question! We have never faced it; we all want to escape from it, take a drug in order not to suffer, or get drunk. Instead of facing the sorrow directly, we try to cover it through words, through some kind of hope and so on. Facing the sorrow and living with it means to give one's whole attention to it.

Attention is like fire; when complete attention is given, any of these things like sorrow, loneliness, pain, anxiety, tears, etc., goes, disappears. Giving complete attention to feelings of sorrow or suffering burns them.

Where there is ending of sorrow there is passion which is not lust, but part of love. Where there is love there is compassion. And where there is this extraordinary passion of compassion there is intelligence, and that intelligence acts to diminish the suffering.

What to do when our mind is confused

Our mind is active 24/7, and that too at very high speed. Mostly it is lost either in analyzing our past actions or planning for the future dreams. Since past is dead, and future does not exist, we are perpetually confused. I am reading great philosopher J. Krishnamurti's book called The Awakening of Intelligence, and he has explained the workings of a confused mind beautifully as given below.

A confused mind seeking clarity will only further confuse itself, because a confused mind can't find clarity. It's confused; what can it do? Any search on its part will only lead to further confusion. I think we don't realize that. Most of us like to remain confused, because in the state of confusion we need not act. And so we are satisfied with the confusion, so as to avoid action.

When we are confused, we have to stop; stop pursuing any activity. And the very stopping is the beginning of the new, which is the most positive action. To remove confusion we need to develop self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom, and also, self-knowledge is the beginning and the ending of sorrow. Self-knowledge is not to be bought in a book, or by going to a psychologist and being examined analytically. Self-knowledge is actually understanding what is in oneself: the pains, the anxieties, the fears, the despair, and seeing them without any distortion. Out of this understanding clarity comes into being. But for that to happen we must give our whole attention, our whole interest, to it.

To know the whole content of one's mind, one has to be aware, aware in the sense of observing, not with resistance or with condemnation, not with approval or disapproval, not with pleasure or non-pleasure, just observing. That observation is the negation of the psychological structure of a society which says, 'You must, you must not.' So, what is essential is to see that when one is confused, he should not try to escape from it, not try to find explanations for it; rather be passively, choicelessly, aware of it. And then we will see that quite a different action springs from that passive awareness, because if we make an effort to clarify the state of confusion, what we create will still be confused. But, if we are aware of ourselves, choicelessly, passively aware, then that confusion unfolds and fades away.

My experience in music class today

I have been learning keyboard for the last two months in a music school here in Jurong, Singapore. Up till now I have learnt to play semibreve, minim, dotted-minim and crotchet, with both right and left hands. I have been practicing my lessons quite sincerely since I started, and look forward to going for the class every Saturday. Today I was introduced to quaver note which is half of crotchet. I played the notes and it was 'magical'. It exhilarated me when I could play the correct notes in the first try itself. Something inside me was stirred, and I felt so joyful and peaceful! I don't know what was it, but it was really something divine! I realized why music is considered divine, a route to go deeper inside.

This has been my childhood desire to learn some musical instrument, and now when I am learning to play keyboard, I feel fortunate to be able to realize my childhood dream! More talk later, I am rushing to practise today's lesson......

Never give up

Yesterday was very busy day in the college, and by the time I returned home it was almost night. I was really tired after a long day, and felt 'lost' in a sea of things, running here and there. Some things had not gone well during the day, which made me feel even more frustrated and like'giving up'. As usual, I was reading before sleeping, I happened to read the following story before drifting to sleep...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

When I woke up in the morning, I remembered the story of the donkey. I read the story again, and its moral: life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

Why do we read Bhagavat Gita

Have you wondered why do we read Gita, even if we can't understand or remember it ?

This is beautiful story which will explain why we read Gita, as well as inspire us to read if we are not reading it already!

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavat Gita. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavat Gita just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand, I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagavat Gita do?"

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.

The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again. At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!"

"So you think it is useless ?" The old man said, "Look at the basket."

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavat Gita. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Krishna in our lives."

After reading this story, I felt truly inspired and motivated to continue to read Gita, even though we may at times feel that we don't understand it!