How we behave with our mother

Today I had gone for my weekly massage and the masseuse is Indonesian. She is very good with her hands, and I really get transported to euphoric feeling, of being totally relaxed both mentally and physically. We have now developed a close relationship that we both know each other's family details also. So during the intermittent talks we have during massage, she mentioned something which left me thinking on how we behave with our mother can affect her so much! Here's the story....

Let's call my masseuse Jane. She has been working in Singapore for the last ten years in the spa industry, and has been supporting her family of four younger sisters, two brothers and widowed mother back home in Indonesia. Two of her sisters have even managed to go to the University for tertiary education. Jane practically takes care of all their financial needs. She sends the money to her mother, who then gives it to the sibling needing it. She recalled one time when her sister called her from the hostel asking for money. Jane told her that she would remit the money that day and she could go to her mother the next day to take the money. Her sister tried to convince her to remit the money directly to her but she persisted, and sent to her mother only.

Her explanation opened my eyes! Jane explained that she had been doing that way for the last few years, remitting money to the mother, and not her siblings directly, though that money was mainly used to pay their tuition fees, etc. She said that due to this arrangement, her mother felt 'important' as elder in the family as anyone needing money had to ask her. If Jane had sent the money directly to her siblings, her mother would not have been involved, and hence would feel neglected (more so she was a widow and not earning). By her thoughtful action, Jane had given her mother the status of the head of the family, which in turn, meant she felt wanted and became the pivot of the family. In fact, Jane told that even she asks her mother for money when she visits her back home. In her own simple way, Jane was practicing how to take care of one's feelings, enhancing their self-worth!